"I Will Never Fail You!"

In my last post, I mentioned having a "you've got to be kidding!" moment with God. It seems I've had a lot of those lessons from the Lord lately in which God has called me to make some changes in my life - and frankly, I wasn't too excited about any of them at first. Obviously, the things that God has asked me to change in my life have proven to be the best move at the exactly right time for so many different reasons (go figure!). Every day, I make a conscious decision to surrender everything to God and to ask Him to help me to be obedient to follow where He leads me, and give me wisdom and courage to act when He calls me to. And I'd like to tell you that I have been a faithful servant and have responded in obedience whenever I hear His call - I'd like to, but I can't! I honestly do want to stay in the center of God's will, to listen and obey immediately, to have unshakable faith, and to trust God completely (and have my actions reflect these attitudes and beliefs). I have to confess, though, that as much as I want those things, I still seem to drag my feet, question what I know God is telling me, and somehow believe that He must be talking to someone else when He is calling me to something outside of my comfort zone. Again, it is very easy to for me to know that God is perfect, He knows all, He doesn't make mistakes, and His plans are always right - except for when He is talking to me!

It has taken me awhile to accept the most recent steps that I believe God has been calling me to take, but I had finally gotten to the point that I not only accepted it myself, but was actually able to verbalize it to a few close friends, and I started taking action on it. Without going in to all of the details, I was put in a position yesterday where I needed to share with a key person what my background and testimony is, why I am pursuing this venture, and what I intend to do if I should go forward and complete this undertaking. Well, let's just say I blew it! I was caught completely off guard, and really did a horrible job explaining myself and telling my story. Needless to say, I was frustrated and disappointed, and felt that I had failed God and had blown one of the first things that He has told me to do. Of course, if it's God's will, and the timing is right, then me sounding like a blithering idiot wouldn't have as huge of an impact as I made it out to be. I just want so badly to stay in the center of God's will and be obedient to Him - I know this is a process and a relationship, not a decision or any one event. While I am trusting Him for direction, I know that I also need to do my part when He asks me. It seems I am reminded every day in some way that it is all about the relationship that I have with Jesus, not so much the "what's next?" that stems from that relationship (You'd think I'd catch on sooner or later, wouldn't you?!). It is so overwhelmingly amazing to me that we can truly have this living, breathing, one-on-one relationship with Him! So, I beat myself up for awhile (I don't do that as often as I used to, but I am still pretty good at it!), and I whined and vented to my pastor and a couple of close friends (which then meant that I had to apologize to each of them this morning!).

In my prayers last night and this morning, though, I kept hearing the Lord tell me, "yes, but I will never fail you!". Wow - point taken! My job is to hold on to Him, listen, and be obedient - to surrender everything to Him everyday, and give Him my best every day - and trust Him to take care of the rest! He is always in total control, and everything that happens is either part of His perfect will or His permissive will - and He can use everything for good, no matter how much I goof up, as long as I keep walking closely with Him. Believe it or not, I am learning - I may be a slow learner, but I am learning!

What's funny in all of this is that I got so upset because I may have messed this up, when just a few short weeks ago I didn't even want to think about the idea of walking down this particular path that He has laid in front of me! God has been gracious and eliminated some of the desires of my heart, and He apparently has created new ones I wasn't even aware of! God is good... all the time!

So I don't know yet what the result will be from my stellar performance yesterday, but that's OK. I will continue asking the Lord or direction, listening to what He tells me, and doing my very best to be obedient the moment that He reveals Himself and His will to me. I often think that every experience is supposed to teach me something or reveal something to me; but I'm learning that sometimes we must go through an experience simply to develop our character and allow God to continue molding us into the person He created us to be. I pray that I will remain pliable to Him every step of the way in this wonderful journey of change, growth, and becoming closer to God.

What about you?... What is God teaching you today? Are you remaining pliable by staying in His word and seeking His direction? God has great plans for us, and He will see them through to fruition if we will only empty ourselves of everything that is not of Him, and continually allow Him to mold us into the person He created us to be... no matter how difficult the process may seem at the time! Remember, we are in the Potter's Hands - What better place could we be?!