Not my will, but Yours be done!

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

That sure looks good at the top of a blog page, doesn't it? But how easy it can be to forget that promise and get wrapped up in our own desires, goals, and preferences... at least for me. It's been no secret to those around me that God has called me to make A LOT of changes in my life over the last several months. While I have been excited about those changes and eager to be obedient to the callings of God, I must also confess that I have struggled with the growing pains involved with making those changes.

Obedience starts with having a heart that says "yes" to God... but it doesn't end there. To be truly surrendered means turning everything over to God, in every area of our life. I've realized that there have been certain areas of my life that I have kept "protected" from the control of God. Not consciously, mind you. But there are things that I have conveniently overlooked, tolerated, or made excuses about that really come down to a matter of surrender. And surrender cannot be a one-time decision... it is a decision that must be made daily - and really, throughout every minute of every day.

Maybe that is where the challenge for me lies? Consistency! Eating right, exercising, working on my marriage and supporting my husband, being a patient and attentive parent, putting Bible study and prayer first in my days, etc. etc. etc.... All of those things are not too difficult short-term, but seem to become a challenge over a long period of time.

Sometimes, too, I think that I allow fear that I might fail God stand in the way of giving God total control of my life and walking the path that He lays before me. But then I'm reminded that, yes there will definitely be times that I fail God and my heart my wander away from Him, but He will never fail me. It is at those times (like in the last several days!) that I am completely overwhelmed by God's love and His never-ending pursuit of me!

At times, I feel as though I have some sort of "spiritual schizophrenia"! If you ever listen to Contemporary Christian Music, you've probably heard the song, "Two Hands" by Jars of Clay (if not, check out the playlist below, song #3). The chorus of that song says, "I use one hand to pull You closer, the other to push You away; if I had two hands doing the same thing, lifted high, lifted high." I want so desperately to be obedient and to be in close fellowship with Jesus; but at the same time, I find myself pushing away the One who loves me the most and wants to bless me in ways I can' t even imagine.

Following Christ and surrendering your will to His is not always easy and it may even feel like a sacrifice (Is that not ridiculous to think that WE are the ones sacrificing?!). Quite often, doing so creates a feeling of chaos within our human souls. But at the same time, striving to be in the center of God's will - no matter how challenging it may seem at times - also brings with it a feeling of blessing, joy, completeness, and peace.

So... where does that leave me (and you)? I believe we must begin by making a point to surrender everything to Him first thing every morning and throughout our entire day. And we must be willing to ask God for the help that only He can provide. And those two things must be done in that order... God is waiting for a heart that is surrendered and ready to obey before He speaks.

I am so grateful for the many ways that God faithfully calls me back to obedience, and for the wonderful people that He has put in my life to help keep me on track! That may have to be a blog entry of its' own for another day!

My prayer for you today is that you will realize that you have a God so strong to hold you, a God so smart to guide you, a God so all-knowing to teach you, and a God so powerful to control your future... and that you will stand on His strength instead of your own.

The wise person values the Giver more than the gifts!

It's easy to be grateful for the "good" gifts in our lives. However, some gifts come disguised as challenges and heartaches. But no matter what our day may hold, that very day is a gift from God. And the greatest gift of all is the presence of God in our lives - no matter where we are or what we are doing!

• First, though, we must take the time to accept the gifts that we are given.
• Next, we must give thanks to the Giver of all good gifts.
• Then, we must show our appreciation by using the gifts we're given for the glory of God.

God is good - all the time! All the time - God is good!

What gifts have you been given today? Have you taken the time to give thanks to the Giver? How are you using those gifts to glorify God through your life today?

I hope you have a heart of gratitude today (and here's a hint... you can create a heart of gratitude even if you don't always feel it simply by asking yourself, "What five things am I most grateful for today?", or "Who are the five people who love me the most?" or "What are my greatest strengths or talents, and how can I use them to benefit others today?"). I'm afraid I don't always take the time to acknowledge and give thanks as I should, but I am so grateful for the gifts in my life. What an amazing God we serve who continues to give, even when we don't recognize or willingly accept His gifts! I pray that the Lord will always find me (and you!) worthy of His gifts - especially the gifts that come disguised as challenges, because those are the gifts that seem to bring us even closer to Him.

If you're reading this, you too are a gift in my life! Have a blessed day!

SUMMER BLESSINGS!

Wow! I cannot believe how quickly this summer is flying by! It seems like just the other day that the kids were getting out of school, and now there's just over a month until they go back to school. Anyway, I guess I've just been feeling the need to kind of "dump" some of what's been going on and what's been on my mind.

When the summer first started, we didn't have anything on the calendar, but it quickly filled up! Let's see... we had a church sports camp (I worked, and my five year old, Kevin, attended); Kevin also went to a multi-sport camp with soccer, basketball, and baseball; Kevin has been playing on his first t-ball team (very cute, if I do say so myself!); my almost 17 year old son, Walter, has been having cross country practices every morning and weight trainings or other practices in the evenings; Walter has also been doing work to prepare to complete his Eagle project for Boy Scouts (he has finally decided on a project to fill in all of the cracks and holes in the church driveways and parking lots - a pretty big job, but I'm glad he picked a challenging project to earn his Eagle rank); my daughter, Kelly, has been home this summer from college, and is working almost full-time at a Christian day care; she loves her job, and has taken a particular interest in a little girl at the day care who does not have the best of home situations (she spent the weekend with us last weekend); Kelly has also been taking an English course two nights a week in order to make up for some credits that she lost by transferring colleges; our entire family all went to Hershey Park for a few days this past week (Kevin was a daredevil on all of the rides - he even rode the Super Dooper Looper roller coaster twice- a feat that his older brother and sister didn't tackle until they were 16!); my husband, Jeff, and Kevin and I will be going to my in-laws' house in North Carolina this Friday (however, Jeff will be leaving us Sunday through Friday to go to Texas for work) and we will be returning on the 3rd of August; Walter is going to cross country camp the 26th-29th of July; he will then be going to National Advanced Youth Leadership Experience (NAYLE) in New Mexico from 31 July - 8 August; Walter's 17th birthday is August 10th; Kelly will be staying home through all of our travels (she needs to work and earn some money!); Walter had his "official" senior pictures taken (the ones for the yearbook) and he will be having his other senior pictures taken when he returns from New Mexico; and I'm sure there will be even more going on before the summer actually comes to an end! Just as the summer is flying by, the kids are growing up so quickly - I'm afraid that the family trip we took to Hershey Park could be one of the last trips we will be able to take with our entire family together (although we did tell Kelly and Walter that when Kevin is their age, they could very well be taking their own kids to amusement parks with Kevin! - Kelly will be 32 and Walter will be 30 when Kevin graduates from high school!).

Besides being busy, the summer has been a great time of growing in my relationship with the Lord, and witnessing the many ways that He is working in our lives! It has been so exciting to me to see how God works in all of the smallest details of our lives.

The church sports camp was one of the first venues to see how awesome our God really is. There were so many ways that we saw Him work.... First of all, we went from having 70 kids registered on the Saturday before the camp started, to having 95 show up on Monday morning! This was my first experience working this particular camp, and I think I learned as much that week as the kids did. I saw attacks from the enemy try to derail workers with everything from plain old discouragement to flat tires - and I saw God overcome every one of those attempts! Personally, I experienced the Holy Spirit first hand in many ways; one of the main areas that He showed up every single day was during the coach's time with the kids. We, as coaches, were to share a personal story every day that related to the lesson of the day. No matter how much I thought about it in the days before, I never had a story going in to that day's coach's meeting - but miraculously, literally less than five minutes prior to that session each day, the Holy Spirit brought just the right story to my mind and helped me convey that story to the kids in my group. The day we were to present the Gospel to the children, it was obvious that the evil one was alive and active throughout the entire day. Not only were there a lot more challenges and minor injuries throughout the day, but the kids were just a lot more distracted and fidgety that day. But guess what? The evil one is no match for our God, and He not only overcame the challenges of the day, but He turned each and every one of those for good! A particularly exciting highlight for me during the week was hearing my five year old tell me the specifics of the day that he had accepted Jesus! Being fairly new in my own spiritual journey with Jesus, I wasn't quite sure how to know if my son was old enough to understand what it meant to accept Jesus as his personal Savior. I thought he understood, he gives of himself quite often in amazing ways, and we pray together often (many times it is Kevin who reminds us that we need to pray about a situation when our "adult" minds are busy trying to deal with things in our own strength!), and I thought there was a time that he consciously accepted Jesus, but I really wasn't sure if that was real or just a mother's hope for her son. The day the children heard the Gospel, though, Kevin told me that he "didn't need to say that prayer at the end because he had already done that before" - and then he proceeded to tell me about the details of the day that he had done that, probably about six months prior (I remembered the time he was talking about, and it was actually months earlier than the time I was thinking of!). Not only did he know that he had said that prayer to confess that he was a sinner and that he needed Jesus to come into his heart, but he remembered all of the details about that glorious moment in his still young life! What more could a parent ask for?!

I also began my first course in the Ministerial Study Program (MSP) that I am taking. It has been very demanding and way out of my comfort zone, and at times I really wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle it (to be honest, there are still times I feel that way!). But I had a "revelation" a few weeks ago: This is not something I can do while multi-tasking other things or with the TV on and the family busy around me - I have to be alone, begin with prayer, and rely on the Holy Spirit to help me understand what I am reading and complete the assignments before me - DUH! Once I realized that I need to be in mindset of prayer with my heart open to really hear, the course became much more doable, and much more exciting. It is still very challenging and involves a lot of work, but I am moving forward, and I know that I am moving in the direction that God has laid before me. It's funny... the course I'm taking is an Inductive Bible Study course, and during any one session, it's not unusual for me to go from not having a clue how I am supposed to answer a question to being completely overwhelmed with pure joy and enthusiasm for God's Word! I'm ashamed to say it, but I have never in my life had such a passion for studying the Word of God and wanting to share those words and that passion with others. Obviously, I have a very long road ahead of me and I have only begun to scratch the surface of my courses. But God is using every inch of the road along the way for His glory, and I am blessed to be witnessing and experiencing that.

I never cease to be amazed at God's perfect timing, and how He can take what He is doing in one person's life and interweave that with what He is doing in someone else's life! Several months ago, the Lord put a burden in my heart to begin a prayer ministry for the pastors of our church. Now, I'll be honest, I tried to put that idea out of my head, thinking that I really was not the "right" person to be starting something like this. As usual, God won, and this past week I finally got in touch with our lead pastor about starting this ministry. Not only was he appreciative of the idea and supportive of me going ahead with the program, but it "just so happened" to coincide with the message that he was preaching today (and by the way, I later found out that our pastor planned out this sermon as part of a series he is preaching last December!). The topic of his sermon was how we all need to have intercessors in our lives that have our back and are mentioning our name in prayer, those who are going before God in prayer on our behalf. Do you think that God had His hand in all that was working in and around us, and "just so happened" to work it out so these two things came together at just the right time?! I did have to speak in both services to our church family about what we were beginning, but even through my nervousness I was able to see the Holy Spirit work and bring the right words to my lips at the right time (my husband asked me several times what I was going to say, and my answer was always that I had no idea, I was counting on the Lord to get me through it - I was looking forward to hearing what came out of my mouth!). We received great feedback from so many people who understand that our pastors are under a lot of pressure and who share the same desire for wanting to cover our pastors in prayer. I have to believe that if this group of committed Pastoral Prayer Partners is offering up focused prayers for our pastors, their support staff, and the church as a whole, that we are going to see God doing awesome and unbelievable things in our community through our church! Of course, that will only re-emphasize the importance of covering the pastors and church in prayer, because the more lives that are being changed, the more opposition we are all going to face. But God is faithful and God is good - all the time!

So needless to say, this has been a very busy, exciting, and blessed summer! Of course, there have also been some challenges that have surfaced and things that we still need to deal with, and I'll try and share some of those in a later post. But even in those times, God has made His presence known. Isn't it awesome that no matter where we are or what we are doing, no matter how many mistakes and wrong turns we make, God is always there to see us through and guide our steps if we will only seek His guidance and listen for His direction?!

This has been yet another very long post, probably filled with a lot of babbling; but like I've said before, this has been a great avenue for me to dump some of my thoughts and happenings, and kind of get to step back and see things from another side. From time to time, I hope that a word or two that I share will touch someone else and be helpful to them, particularly in their personal walk with the Lord. But that is out of my hands - I have no doubt that God will bring the right people to this page, at just the right time in their life, to give them a hope for what is yet to come.

I hope that your summer has been filled with blessings - or more accurately, I hope that you are stopping to appreciate all of the blessings that have come your way this summer! No matter what the situation, the Lord is showering us with blessings. If we are not seeing them, we need to ask ourselves - and ask God - why not; then listen for the answer and be obedient to taking the next steps in faith, whether they seem to make sense to us or not. Remember, the purpose of prayer is not to get what we want, but to allow the will of God to take over our life, and fill our hearts with love and peace with whatever the answer may be.

My God bless you and your family, and may you continually seek to know and stay in the center of God's will for your life!

With friendship, prayers, and love,

Kim

THE DIVINE NATURE OF GOD CANNOT BE HIDDEN!

You've heard the saying, “take time to stop and smell the roses”. How about taking that thought to a new level, “take time to see the divine nature of God”?! Open your eyes, and look around you… open your heart, and see. Take time today (and everyday) to really experience the awesome power and unmistakable presence of God. He is everywhere, he has us surrounded, all the time – our job is to quiet ourselves, open our hearts, surrender everything to Him, and obey.

For the last several months, I have seemed to be completely mesmerized by looking at the clouds. I don’t mean looking at them as we did when we were kids (and sometimes still do!), trying to see the different shapes and pictures in the clouds. I’m talking about being fascinated by the unbelievable power that exists there. It’s not unusual to talk with people in passing about how beautiful the sky is on those bright, sunny, summer days, and that is obviously something to enjoy and appreciate. But what about those gloomy, maybe even stormy days? Maybe there are dark, storm clouds rolling quickly through the sky. Maybe the entire sky is engulfed in darkness. Maybe there are heavy, snow filled clouds. Maybe it’s raining. Maybe there’s just a small glimpse of sunshine peeking through the sky and streaming down beams of light. Maybe there’s even a rainbow. No matter what kind of sky is greeting you, there is an undeniable power that exists above our heads and all around us. The Lord has been using those moments that I stop to appreciate His power and presence to speak to my heart about so many other wondrous things He has done, is doing, and will continue to do for eternity.

Take a few minutes to really see. This may sound crazy, but there are times where I have goose bumps and tears fill my eyes just from looking into what God has painted for us to enjoy. Now, think about this… as magnificent as that miraculous work of nature is, it is still only a very small picture of what God can do! Are we making time every day to take notice of the so many “simple” miracles around us? Are we looking to see what God is doing around us, and then seeking opportunities to join Him in His work? Think about that last comment for just a minute… God really does want us to join Him in His work! Are we willing to accept the privilege of being used by God? I've discovered that to truly be obedient and able to be fully used by God, we need to know our answer before God ever asks the question or gives the assignment – YES! God wants to know that our heart is set on saying yes no matter what He calls us to do, whether we feel capable or not. God will equip us to do the work only after He gives us the assignment – if we aren't going to do the job, why would He need to give us the tools?

God’s divine nature cannot be hidden! It must – and it will – express itself. When we surrender everything to Him, give Him complete control of our lives, are walking with the Spirit, and are committed to being obedient, God will absolutely work through us to reach those around us. How exciting is that?! Faith… faith that truly believes that nothing is impossible with God. Each one of us can have power to move mountains, you can count on it! The question is… is there evidence of that faith in our lives? Are we showing others by our actions, not just our words, that we believe that God can, and will, do the impossible?

I still feel like a child in my walk with the Lord. But maybe having the faith of a child is a good thing. In any case, I am praying today that God will always give me (and you!) the desire to know Him more intimately, to seek hard to continually develop my relationship with Him, and to never take for granted the divine nature of God.

I was blessed today to experience one of those moments where God showed up and made His presence known. He was able to really touch someone’s life in a very personal way where they knew it could only be God. And through God’s great grace, he allowed me to be the vehicle He used to speak to her. But… that is a story for another day (always leave ‘em wanting more, right?!)!

The divine nature of God cannot be hidden!

Make some time today to experience it!

Lost!

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." - Isaiah 30:21

I know... it's been more than two weeks since my last post! Let's just say I've been lost for awhile. No, I haven't exactly been wondering around not knowing where I am physically. But you may know what I mean... There has been A LOT of "stuff" going on lately (I really don't know why we use that word "lately" - it seems there is always a lot of stuff going on!). I'm very blessed, and a lot of those things have been good, even if I didn't realize it at the time. In the big scheme of things, there really haven't been any bad things that have happened. It is mostly cases of life just getting in the way, and me allowing those to distract me from the more important things of life.

I had about an hour and a half car ride alone yesterday that gave me a lot of time to think, and more importantly, to have heart-to-heart chat with God. Along the way, I got to thinking about being lost, the reasons we too often find ourselves unsure of where we are and/or where we are going, and the tools and people that we have available to help us.

First of all, there are these things called maps that are available to us. Maybe you've seen one before! Theoretically, if we have a map, there is no reason that we should ever be lost. In reviewing the map, we can see at any given moment where we are, where our destination is, and the best roads to take to get there. There are even customized maps that you can get for longer trips that will tell you where there is construction along the way, and give you alternate routes to avoid those areas. Of course, in the age of technology, we now have GPS systems that will tell us and show us every turn along the way, roads under construction to avoid, alerts to accidents and high traffic areas, etc. - all designed to get us safely and quickly from point A to point B.

The challenge with each of these tools is that they are all dependent on the user taking the initiative to use them. And the success or failure in using these tools depends on the user's knowledge of how to use each of them. I don't know about you, but I could have a perfectly good, accurate map in my hand, with my path highlighted, and still find myself lost! Now, if I have someone beside me saying, "turn left at the McDonald's, turn right at the third stop sign, etc.", I am much more likely to make it to my destination without any complications.

On that note, let's look at another example. I'm sure you have been on a tour or a vacation at some point in your life where you had a tour guide to show you around. They do the driving, they know every short cut, they know the history of each point of interest, and they know the way to take you from one point to the next in the most efficient and beneficial way (they even include in their tour scheduled breaks for eating, using the restroom, relaxing, etc.). So your odds of getting lost when you have a tour guide are slim to none.

But how many of you have ever been part of a tour group where a few people have strayed from the group and gotten lost (not you, of course, but someone else in the group!)? What happens? First of all, the entire group is held up and forced to wait for the other members, which may cause them to have to cut out visiting some sites in order to stay on schedule. Second, the tour guide is usually very frustrated with those who wandered off (I know because I have been on the end of leading the group as well, and there always seems to be a wanderer in the group, especially if you are leading a group of school kids!). The tour guide normally has to take the wanderer back, but is sometimes not in the best of moods from that point on; and sometimes they may even ask the wanderer to leave the group. So even with a tour guide it is possible to get lost if we don't follow the directions of the leader.

So... what's my point in all of this babbling?! It is becoming more and more obvious to me that most of the time when I find myself "lost" it is because I have chosen either not to use the tools available to me, and/or I have wandered away from my guide. It is in those times that many of my challenges and distractions of life seem to occur the most. If I am using the all of my resources and following my guide, I can usually find my way with very little obstacles or detours.
Again... what's my point in all of this babbling?! First of all, it is my responsibility to use the tools and resources that have been given to me: reading my Bible daily, spending dedicated time in prayer every day, continuing to pray all throughout my day, committing Scripture versus to my mind and heart so they will come easily to my lips when I need them, attending and engaging in weekly church services, participating in a small community group of other Christ-centered people who can help show me the way, etc.

Second, and most importantly, consciously following the path that Jesus has laid before me. He calls me to follow Him, and He guides my every step... if I choose to open my eyes and my heart, and take each step in faith behind Him. To do this, I need to be taking time to "be still and know...". I also need to choose to be be obedient to the directions He tells me to take, trusting Him to know the best path for me, even when I can't see it myself. The Lord has a destination already planned for me. He wants me to be in a close personal relationship with Him in order to know Him better and to follow His every step. And while I may wander away from my Guide, He never has me out of His sight, He never allows me to be truly lost, and He always gladly invites me back into His group.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:6

Now, don't get me wrong... I have been reading my Bible and praying every day, and I have been doing a pretty good job of being obedient to the path the Lord wants me to take. I've been attending church, and I've been very connected to my friends in my small group. But I haven't been making the time to "be still and know...", to listen to the directions and follow the map that God gives me, to stay 100% Christ-centered in all of my decisions and actions. I have not been taking time to not only read my Bible, but to truly study His Word; to hearing His voice, quieting my mind and surrendering my will completely to His all day every day.

It is only through all of these things that I ensure that I will never be lost. The map is in place, the directions are clear, the landmarks are posted, and the tour guide is eagerly calling me to follow! And guess what? The destination is better and more beautiful than any I could ever choose to go on my own! Yes, there will be construction, obstacles, and detours along the way. I may even encounter some dead ends and/or have other challenges that delay my trip. But my Guide is always aware of these "distractions", and He always has the path laid out for me to go around them. He always gives me the tools and resources required to make the repairs and to generate the next map in order to get back on course. And best of all, He is with me every step of the way, whether the course is easy or if life is getting in the way!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

So I am back on track (again!), and I plan to stay firmly connected to my tour Guide! Fortunately for me, I have a tour Guide that always welcomes me back no matter how many times I stray. And He always uses those distractions and my wanderings to teach me a lesson, and to use them as a stepping stone along my path. I pray that if you have gotten "of course", you will turn to your Guide as well, and use the resources that He has provided all of us to help you get back on track and to clearly see the next step that He has laid in front of you.

Have a blessed day!

A couple of friends (Sarah at http://www.nestinginpleasantview.blogspot.com/ and Christy at http://www.hereandhome.blogspot.com/) had this on their websites, so I thought I'd join the fun!

For Today...

Outside my window... Gloomy and rainy, but the sunshine is coming back in a couple of days!

I am thankful for... God giving me the opportunity to be at home with my son while following new directions He has asked me to pursue. And for my VERY understanding and supportive husband who has stood by me through all of those recent changes.

From the kitchen... My least favorite place in the home (except when it comes to Christmas baking, and visiting with friends and family who always seem to end up gathering in the kitchen!). Today, I'm thinking fried potatoes for dinner with who knows what else - hopefully, something will come to me before then.

I am wearing... Comfy jeans and my "The country that prays together stays together" t-shirt.

I am reading... Still finishing up "The Passion Of Jesus Christ" by John Piper. It's very good, but also somewhat intense, which takes a lot more focused energy to get through. I'm also recommitting to my daily Bible reading - I confess that, while I have been reading my Bible every day, I have gotten behind on my 'through the Bible chronologically in a year' reading plan.

I am hoping... To receive my final approval and materials from the Leadership Academy in order in order to begin classes in the Ministerial Study Program. Then I'm hoping for God's strength and wisdom to help me get through the program!

I am creating... Seemingly more messes and chaos as I try to clean out drawers, boxes, etc.!

I am hearing... Continuous talking and questions from my 5 year old son (life is great!).

Around the house... Boxes, boxes, everywhere! Cleaning out my office at work has created so much disorganization around the house that I don't even know where to begin.

One of my favorite things... My first thought was my ipod because I love to listen to my music, especially Christian music, but I have tons of all kinds of music on there. But when I asked my 5 year old what he thought my favorite things are, he said kisses and hugs... I think his answer wins by a landslide!

A few plans for the rest of the week... Taking a new friend on Tuesday to get information on pursuing a part-time opportunity with my company and getting to know her better, driving to Westerville Wednesday to take my my in-college daughter to dinner, helping to facilitate Dave Ramsey's Town Hall For Hope meeting on Thursday (look it up and attend a live teleconference rence in your area!), taking my son to gymnastics Thursday and to our church soccer camp Saturday, enjoying my new schedule and more time to hang out with my family, and whatever else the Lord puts in front of me.

What does YOUR day look like?! Have a blessed day!

A Tale Of Two Women

Today, I want to share with you a story of two women who are very close to my heart. While similar in many ways, these women have experienced several different circumstances, and have also chosen to react to them in very different ways.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Was facing a lot of confusion and changes in her life, and allowed that to distract her and stop her from moving forward.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Was also facing a lot of confusion and changes in her life, but chose to turn to God and ask Him to guide her in the direction she was to take.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Felt the need to make some significant changes in her life regarding her work situation and how she was spending her time. She made those changes, but continued to feel some loss about what she had given up, and often wondered if she had made the right decisions.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Knew God was telling her to make some significant changes in her life regarding her work situation and how she was spending her time. She chose to be obedient to Him and, although difficult, willingly made those changes. She had no regrets because she was following the path that God had laid out for her.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Wanted to know "what's next?" and what the future held. She had made many goals and dreams based on her work situation and the path that she had been on, which had now changed completely.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Asked God to show her the next step, and was content to wait on Him to tell her the next steps when she needed to know them. She knew that His timing is always perfect.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Took steps to move forward in a new direction that she felt led to follow, but was fearful of each step she needed to take. While she thought that she was doing the right thing and what God wanted her to do, she did not feel capable of accomplishing what would be required of her in this new endeavor.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Confidently moved forward, asking God everyday for courage to do what He was asking her to do. She knew that God does not look for our ability, but for our availability. While she, too, did not feel very capable of accomplishing all that would be required of her, she trusted Him to equip her with the tools, wisdom, and strength that she needed when she needed it. She also knew that God's glory shines brightest when he accomplishes things through people that they could not do on their own.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Faced guilt, regrets, and envy about what she hadn't achieved and what she should be doing, she felt as though she was letting down the people she worked with, and she had feelings that she was missing out on something. She did pray and ask God for help, but wasn't always very good at listening to what He told her. She struggled with holding on to "good", when God had something "great" in store for her, if she would only choose to listen and be obedient.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Began every day choosing to surrender everything to God. She asked Him to show her where He was working around her each day, and asked Him to give her the courage to act when He told her to act. She turned all of her guilts, fears, and failures over to Him, and knew that He had a purpose for every one of those, and that He would take those and use them for good.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Was prone to frustration and often had pity parties for herself because of challenges that she was facing and things she was going through.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Also faced many challenges and went through some tough times, and got frustrated from time to time. She didn't enjoy those times, but she was grateful for them because she knew that it was during those times that God was working on her to form her into the person He made her to be - she knew that meant that He thought she was still worth reshaping.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Allowed her frustrations and struggles to get to her, and often took those frustrations out on her kids and husband. She was often on edge and short tempered, and lost her cool over things that really didn't matter. Many times, those feelings came because she felt as though she had failed in the eyes of her family, and had not followed through on the goals and dreams that she had promised to fulfill for them.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Was also often on edge and sometimes short tempered with her family, but was quick to realize it, correct her attitude, and apologize to those she had hurt. She also appreciated the fact that she was now able to give her family her full attention when they faced challenges; she had no guilt about other things that she should be doing, and she could be with them completely. She saw that many of the goals and dreams that she was trying to fulfill for her family were actually tied more to her own selfish pride, and were not really what her family desired most. She now believed her husband and kids who told her that they were loving her being home more often; she understood that they were more interested in spending time with her than in getting things from her.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Continues to struggle with self doubt, envy, pride, guilt, and more. She says and believes the right things, but all too often focuses on herself and on what she thinks she has lost. She chooses to see where she is and who she is at the moment, instead of focusing on where God wants her to go and who He is shaping her to become.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Struggles with those same challenges of the flesh - self doubt, envy, pride, guilt, and more. But she is so grateful for all that God has given her, for all He has done for her, and for where He has brought her. She appreciates the love of her family and is grateful for the wonderful friends that God has placed in her life. She is excited about what God is doing in her life and in the lives of those around her. She looks forward with hope and anticipation to whatever it is that God has planned for her. She is so excited (and a little scared!) about taking these next steps, and even about facing the challenges that she knows are yet to come, in order to be obedient to what God will have her do. Her only desire is to strive to stay in the center of God's will.

By now, you've probably figured out that both of these women are actually me! No, I'm not completely schizophrenic and actually believe that I am two separate people! I do, however, quite often deal with "spiritual schizophrenia" - I can have a whole conversation in my head, going back and forth between starting to believe my doubts and fears then knowing the truth about what can do in spite of me! My guess is that we all have two different people (sometimes more!) living inside of us. I would guess, too, that 'the first woman' shows up more times than we'd like to admit!

If you've been following this blog at all, you're aware that God has been asking me to make some significant changes in my life, and follow Him along a path that is way out of my comfort zone. Although it has all too often taken me awhile, I have been obedient in making those changes. It has been so exciting for me to be in a deepening relationship with Jesus Christ; one where I can hear His voice, feel His presence, and have the unbelievable knowledge that He chose me to have this relationship with me (and He chooses you!)! And yes, it has also been confusing and scary at times - this is where that "spiritual schizophrenia" comes in!

Over the last couple of weeks, I have had 'the first woman' showing up more than I would care to admit. Fortunately, 'the second woman' is always still there and wants to step to the forefront. So I'm asking some questions today: Why is it that I allow 'the first woman' to be the center of attention so often? What do I need to do to keep 'the second woman' as the primary resident of my life? What lessons can 'the second woman' learn from the mistakes of 'the first woman' (and the mistakes of 'the second woman')? What steps do I need to take to continually move 'both women' closer to God?

I think we all know the answers to each of those questions, so I won't try to elaborate on them individually. But to summarize, I think it all goes back to the message of surrender. And remember, surrender is not a one-time event; surrender is a decision that we must make every day. And surrender is not conditional; it is surrendering our own will and desires of our flesh; it is surrendering everything to Him.

I'm sure I'll have many more appearances from 'the first woman', and that's OK I guess, as long as I am continually striving to become the person God made me to be. Oh, and in case you're wondering... the past couple of weeks have also brought blessings from God beyond what I could have ever imagined, thanks to the choices of 'the second woman' in me!

God is good... all the time! All the time... God is good! I'm thankful today that God loves 'all' of 'the women' in me!