THE FIRST WOMAN:
Was facing a lot of confusion and changes in her life, and allowed that to distract her and stop her from moving forward.
THE SECOND WOMAN:
Was also facing a lot of confusion and changes in her life, but chose to turn to God and ask Him to guide her in the direction she was to take.
THE FIRST WOMAN:
Felt the need to make some significant changes in her life regarding her work situation and how she was spending her time. She made those changes, but continued to feel some loss about what she had given up, and often wondered if she had made the right decisions.
THE SECOND WOMAN:
Knew God was telling her to make some significant changes in her life regarding her work situation and how she was spending her time. She chose to be obedient to Him and, although difficult, willingly made those changes. She had no regrets because she was following the path that God had laid out for her.
THE FIRST WOMAN:
Wanted to know "what's next?" and what the future held. She had made many goals and dreams based on her work situation and the path that she had been on, which had now changed completely.
THE SECOND WOMAN:
Asked God to show her the next step, and was content to wait on Him to tell her the next steps when she needed to know them. She knew that His timing is always perfect.
THE FIRST WOMAN:
Took steps to move forward in a new direction that she felt led to follow, but was fearful of each step she needed to take. While she thought that she was doing the right thing and what God wanted her to do, she did not feel capable of accomplishing what would be required of her in this new endeavor.
THE SECOND WOMAN:
Confidently moved forward, asking God everyday for courage to do what He was asking her to do. She knew that God does not look for our ability, but for our availability. While she, too, did not feel very capable of accomplishing all that would be required of her, she trusted Him to equip her with the tools, wisdom, and strength that she needed when she needed it. She also knew that God's glory shines brightest when he accomplishes things through people that they could not do on their own.
THE FIRST WOMAN:
Faced guilt, regrets, and envy about what she hadn't achieved and what she should be doing, she felt as though she was letting down the people she worked with, and she had feelings that she was missing out on something. She did pray and ask God for help, but wasn't always very good at listening to what He told her. She struggled with holding on to "good", when God had something "great" in store for her, if she would only choose to listen and be obedient.
THE SECOND WOMAN:
Began every day choosing to surrender everything to God. She asked Him to show her where He was working around her each day, and asked Him to give her the courage to act when He told her to act. She turned all of her guilts, fears, and failures over to Him, and knew that He had a purpose for every one of those, and that He would take those and use them for good.
THE FIRST WOMAN:
Was prone to frustration and often had pity parties for herself because of challenges that she was facing and things she was going through.
THE SECOND WOMAN:
Also faced many challenges and went through some tough times, and got frustrated from time to time. She didn't enjoy those times, but she was grateful for them because she knew that it was during those times that God was working on her to form her into the person He made her to be - she knew that meant that He thought she was still worth reshaping.
THE FIRST WOMAN:
Allowed her frustrations and struggles to get to her, and often took those frustrations out on her kids and husband. She was often on edge and short tempered, and lost her cool over things that really didn't matter. Many times, those feelings came because she felt as though she had failed in the eyes of her family, and had not followed through on the goals and dreams that she had promised to fulfill for them.
THE SECOND WOMAN:
Was also often on edge and sometimes short tempered with her family, but was quick to realize it, correct her attitude, and apologize to those she had hurt. She also appreciated the fact that she was now able to give her family her full attention when they faced challenges; she had no guilt about other things that she should be doing, and she could be with them completely. She saw that many of the goals and dreams that she was trying to fulfill for her family were actually tied more to her own selfish pride, and were not really what her family desired most. She now believed her husband and kids who told her that they were loving her being home more often; she understood that they were more interested in spending time with her than in getting things from her.
THE FIRST WOMAN:
Continues to struggle with self doubt, envy, pride, guilt, and more. She says and believes the right things, but all too often focuses on herself and on what she thinks she has lost. She chooses to see where she is and who she is at the moment, instead of focusing on where God wants her to go and who He is shaping her to become.
THE SECOND WOMAN:
Struggles with those same challenges of the flesh - self doubt, envy, pride, guilt, and more. But she is so grateful for all that God has given her, for all He has done for her, and for where He has brought her. She appreciates the love of her family and is grateful for the wonderful friends that God has placed in her life. She is excited about what God is doing in her life and in the lives of those around her. She looks forward with hope and anticipation to whatever it is that God has planned for her. She is so excited (and a little scared!) about taking these next steps, and even about facing the challenges that she knows are yet to come, in order to be obedient to what God will have her do. Her only desire is to strive to stay in the center of God's will.
By now, you've probably figured out that both of these women are actually me! No, I'm not completely schizophrenic and actually believe that I am two separate people! I do, however, quite often deal with "spiritual schizophrenia" - I can have a whole conversation in my head, going back and forth between starting to believe my doubts and fears then knowing the truth about what can do in spite of me! My guess is that we all have two different people (sometimes more!) living inside of us. I would guess, too, that 'the first woman' shows up more times than we'd like to admit!
If you've been following this blog at all, you're aware that God has been asking me to make some significant changes in my life, and follow Him along a path that is way out of my comfort zone. Although it has all too often taken me awhile, I have been obedient in making those changes. It has been so exciting for me to be in a deepening relationship with Jesus Christ; one where I can hear His voice, feel His presence, and have the unbelievable knowledge that He chose me to have this relationship with me (and He chooses you!)! And yes, it has also been confusing and scary at times - this is where that "spiritual schizophrenia" comes in!
Over the last couple of weeks, I have had 'the first woman' showing up more than I would care to admit. Fortunately, 'the second woman' is always still there and wants to step to the forefront. So I'm asking some questions today: Why is it that I allow 'the first woman' to be the center of attention so often? What do I need to do to keep 'the second woman' as the primary resident of my life? What lessons can 'the second woman' learn from the mistakes of 'the first woman' (and the mistakes of 'the second woman')? What steps do I need to take to continually move 'both women' closer to God?
I think we all know the answers to each of those questions, so I won't try to elaborate on them individually. But to summarize, I think it all goes back to the message of surrender. And remember, surrender is not a one-time event; surrender is a decision that we must make every day. And surrender is not conditional; it is surrendering our own will and desires of our flesh; it is surrendering everything to Him.
I'm sure I'll have many more appearances from 'the first woman', and that's OK I guess, as long as I am continually striving to become the person God made me to be. Oh, and in case you're wondering... the past couple of weeks have also brought blessings from God beyond what I could have ever imagined, thanks to the choices of 'the second woman' in me!
God is good... all the time! All the time... God is good! I'm thankful today that God loves 'all' of 'the women' in me!
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