Surrendered & In The Potter's Hands

2010-07-19T22:40:00.016-04:00

First blog entry in over six months... I guess I can't claim the title of "Blog Queen", huh?!

I went to my 25th high school reunion last weekend. I still cannot believe that it's been 25 years since I graduated from high school - yikes! I really had a great time, though! Surprisingly, I really wasn't concerned at all with all the "typical" reunion thoughts the week before the reunion, like "Can I lose about 80 lbs before the weekend?", or "Why didn't I color my gray hair?", or "Am I going to 'measure up' in my accomplishments in comparison with everyone else?". I was just really excited for the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends ("old" as in friends from previous days - none of us are "old"... yet!).

Like I said, I had a great time, both Friday and Saturday evenings. But what really stood out to me was realizing the impact that everyone had on one another's lives. Whether it was in a small or a big way, everyone affected everyone else in some way. While I'm usually doing good to remember what I had for breakfast, there were so many memories and stories that we all had to share. Some were very close friends, and many were people I went to school with from first grade through high school graduation; but some were people I knew, but would never have expected them to remember me at all. To my surprise, not only did most of those people remember me, but we all seemed to remember each other, have stories about one another, and were genuinely happy to see each other and catch up with what's been going on in our lives.

So that got me thinking... if a bunch of dorky kids can grow up to remember so much about each other and the events of our school days, what kind of memories are we creating with those around us today? Whether we realize it or not, we are always influencing someone, either positively or negatively. People are watching us; what do they see? What they observe and what they experience, no matter how insignificant it may seem or even if only for a short time, has an influence on them. And it should. Jesus has called each one of us to impact others for Him. Where is God calling you to serve? In what way could you impact those around you today?

Now don't get me wrong... I'm not trying to add any "pressure" to our already stressful lives by implying that the world is watching us, so we have a responsibility to always be "on"! What I am trying to say is that we do have a responsibility to keep our focus on Jesus, and allow Him to influence us - to change us - and everything we say and do; that is the only way that we can truly have the kind of influence on others that God has called us to make. In fact, I think a big reason that this stood out to me so much at the reunion is because I prayed before the reunion that God would open my eyes to see and my ears to hear those around me; that I would see and hear through His eyes and ears. I told God that if there was someone at the reunion who needed to talk or needed to hear from Him, that they would feel comfortable opening up to me; and that He would make clear to me if there is an open door with them, and then give me the courage to speak and/or act as He leads. There were at least three people who are facing tough times in their lives right now who opened up to me and who I was able to reach out to for Christ. Some just needed a friend (no matter how old that friend may be!) to listen; and some I was able to share with them books, experiences, and other resources that have helped me in my walk with the Lord, and that I thought may be of help to them as well. One friend followed up with me the following Monday and told me that she had already gotten a book that I had told her about ("Experiencing God" by Blackaby), and she had actually already suggested it to someone as well. So that initial opened door that God showed to me helped to reveal an open door for them to reach out to someone else, too!

You may not have a reunion planned any time soon, but maybe you can take a few minutes to remember some of the people who have had an impact on your life. Maybe you can even find a way to reconnect with one or two of them - either through email or an old-fashioned note - and share some memories and thank them for touching your life. More importantly, maybe you can ask God to open your eyes to someone in your path today who you could make a Christ-like impact with. I'm ashamed to say that I all too often don't spend the one-on-one time I need to with God; and I'm realizing that by not keeping that special time with Him my first priority every day, I'm not only hurting myself and leaving a huge void in my life, but I'm also missing out on the opportunities that God gives me to reach out and show God's love to someone else (even lack of action impacts those around us!). After all, how can I expect to hear God's voice, be obedient to His call, and enjoy the privilege of being His hands and feet to someone else if I'm not taking the time to quiet myself, opening my heart, allowing Him to change me, and spending time getting to know Him more intimately every moment of every day?

So... will you accept the challenge - the gift - to make a difference in someone's life today?! I am so grateful for all of those who have spoken into my life in one way or another (I'm sure if you're reading this, YOU are one of those people!); and I pray that I will take every opportunity that God gives me to be that person for someone else!

Have a blessed day! Make a difference for someone today, and thank someone who's made a difference in your life!

Kim

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2010-01-01T13:26:00.001-05:00

Wow... 2010... Can you believe it?! It seems like it wasn't long ago that the world was in panic over Y2K; that "yesterday" was 10 years ago. Like most years (especially as I get older!), 2009 seemed to fly by. But there were also times throughout the year that seemed to last an eternity. I think that's how it is with any type of change... and 2009 was definitely a year of changes for me!

There really is nothing like the beginning of a new year! The ball has just dropped in Times Square, and as silly as it may sound, every year when I see that site I have tears in my eyes. I guess it's just the excitement of new beginnings that makes me so emotional. But you know what? With God, we can have that same overwhelming feeling every single day of our lives because He is the Author of new beginnings!

At this time of year, many people are anxiously setting new year's resolutions, and that is great for those who choose to do that (especially those who actually have the discipline to stick to those resolutions throughout the entire year - which is usually not me, by the way!). While resolutions are good, I believe our focus really should be on making life changes, not just resolutions (there's that dreaded word again... change!). As followers of Jesus, we must continually become changed individuals; we cannot staty the same, either in thoughts or in actions, and expect to enjoy the privilege of being used by God. We'll never do the same thing and move on with God - We have to be willing to go with God to the next place (even when - or I should say, especially when - we don't know where the next place is or what the next place holds!).

Before we look to the future of what 2010 holds, I think it's important to take some time to reflect on 2009 and the lessons we learned along the way. I could probably write an entire book on the lessons and happenings of this year alone. The Lord has called me to make many, many changes in my life (and, thankfully, I FINALLY quit fighting Him and answered His call!). I am so grateful that God is persistent and doesn't give up on me! I really don't know why we (or at least I) argue with God. First of all, He always wins eventually (and what do we miss in the time we waste in disobedience to Him?). Second, His plans are always so much better than any plans we could even imagine. With that said... I don't know why I do it, but I'm afraid I still do it all too often; but I am getting better at answering in obedience much more quickly.

Probably the biggest change for me this year was deciding to give up my office and my business in order to stay home with my son full time. Again, this was a very big challenge for me, to say the least! I knew this was the path God wanted me to take for at least six months prior. But I didn't know why He wanted me to make that change, and I didn't know what He wanted me to do instead, so I wasted a lot of time and energy arguing with Him (and/or trying to tune Him out!). I discovered a lot of things through the process of making that change: 1) It is only after I took that first step in faith that God then showed me the next step I was to take. It wasn't' long after I decided to make that change that God made it clear to me that I was to enter into a Ministerial Study Program. 2) Just because God calls you to do something, doesn't mean that you aren't going to have any challenges or that the journey is going to be easy. I went through some very tough, heart-breaking times throughout that process. But in retrospect, I realize that if it weren't for those challenges, I probably wouldn't have made the changes I did (at least not in the time and at the level that I did). 3) It is possible to be in total chaos, and still have peace in the Lord. There were many times that I felt I had some sort of "spiritual schizophrenia"! On one hand, I was totally confused, lost, frustrated, etc.; on the other, it was exciting to be experiencing the presence and peace of God in such a real, personal way. 4) I expereinced first hand the wonderful gift of people that God puts in our life. There were so many people, both long-time friends and some new acquaintenances. Those who know me know that asking others for help - or even accepting help when it's offered - is not my strong point (the word obstinent has been used to describe me far too many times! But for the first time, I began to really understand the importance of allowing the circle to be completed. I have always loved being the one others turn to for help, but I was not allowing them to be that person for me. During these times of change, God made it very clear that I could not do it on my own; not only did I need to trust Him and rely on Him, but I also had to receive the gift of friendship and wisdom from others. 5) I re-discovered what an amazing blessing it is to be able to be a stay-at-home mom! It's in those day-to-day "little" moments with my children that the real gifts of God are experienced.

So... I wanted to highlight just a few of the many, many (did I say many?!) lessons that I learned (or at least began to learn!) over the past year (in no particular order):

- Knowing about God is fascinating; knowing God personally is life changing. I never understood when people would say that "God told them..." or that they were following the path that God had set for them; I believed them, but I just didn't "get it". I found out that it is not only possible to hear the "voice" of God and to receive His direction, but God truly wants us to hear His voice, and He wants to convey His plans to us (in His perfect timing, of course). I also learned that there is no way to tell anyone else what that personal relationship with God is like. There are times that my heart breaks when I see people who are believers, but who are missing out on so much by not listening to that still small voice in their heart.

- "What is God's will for my life?" is not the right question; the right question is "What is God's will?" Once you know God's will, you can adjust your life to Him. The focus needs to be on God, not on your life! Look around each day and see where God is working, and ask Him for the courage to step out in faith when He calls me to action. I was driving myself completely crazy trying to figure out what God's will for my life was. I knew God was calling me to something, but I had no clue what it was (and I had no clue how to figure it out). Thankfully, God gave me the courage to reach out to my pastor, who told me to quit trying to figure out God's will. He told me to look around at what God is doing around me, and then see how He wants to use me in that situation. As part of my prayers each morning, I began asking God to show me where He was working around me today, and give me the courage to step out in faith when He calls me to act. It's amazing how you can see God working in people's lives every single day if you just seek to see through His eyes! By the way, my pastor suggested that I read the book, "Experiencing God" by Blackaby, and I very highly recommend it to anyone who wants to grow deeper in their personal relationship with Christ. It is one of those love-hate kind of books - it is great and will truly change your life, but if you're like me, it will also kick you in the gut quite a few times!

- The importance of surrender! We live in a do-it-yourself, pull yourself up by your boot straps kind of world. But it is in surrendering our will for the will of God that we begin to experience the presence of God in our life, and that we are best able to make a difference in the lives of others. The moment God speaks to you is the moment God wants you to respond to Him. Change is seldom easy, especially when you have been pursuing a dream and been on a specific path for quite awhile. Making a change in obedience to God does not always mean that you are going to be happy about doing so, but you can still have peace in knowing that you are doing as God willed. When I decided to give up my office and my business, I was definitely not happy about it, and my heart was broken for so many reasons. I had heard that when God gives you a new dream, that He will take away the desire that you have for your old dream (I had heard that, but I didn't know how that would ever be possible - I truly loved what I was doing, and fully expected to be doing that for the rest of my life!). But as the days went by, I found myself losing my desire for my old dreams, and becoming more and more passionate about the new dreams that God had given me. And by the way, even if the dreams you have in your heart are from God, you still need to surrender them to Him; God wants you to cling to Him, not to your dreams. He wants you to trust Him to fulfill your dreams, instead of you trying to make them happen in your own strength.

- There were a few songs that spoke very deeply to me, and that helped me keep God at the center of my life:

· "Here I Am" by Downhere - "Here I am, Lord send me. All of my life, I make an offering, Here I am, Lord send me. Somehow my store is part of Your plan, Here I am."

· "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real - "There's a wave that's crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender. Whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace. And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly."

· " Revelation" by Third Day - "Give me revelation, show me what to do. Cause I've been trying to find my way, I haven't got a clue. Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move. Give me a revelation. I've got nothing without You. I've got nothing without You."

· "By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North" - "Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall. In the dead of night whenever you call. Please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding You."

· "The Motions" by Matthew West - "I don't wanna go through the motions, I don't wanna go one more day, without Your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't wanna spend my whole life asking what if I had given everything? Instead of going through the motions."

- Psalm 47:10 - "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." It is so important to take time every day to quite myself in order to hear God and come to know Him better. It's easy for me to justify that I'm talking to God all through my day (which I am, and that's important to do as well). But it is in those quite moments that God is able to speak to me as well. Yes, God will speak to me and give me direction throughout each day, but if I am in constant busyness, I will probably not be listening for His voice or looking to see where He is working around me.

- When you walk closely with God and live in obedience to His ways, you can trust that you are in the center of His will, no matter what the circumstances are around you. There are many people who believe that if you are doing as God commands and living in His will that you will never have any challenges; and that if you are facing struggles, then you must not be doing the right thing. I learned that more times than not, the opposite is true... when you are living in obedience and seeking to serve the Lord and others, you are sure to face challenges along the way. These are the times that we tend to lean on Him the most, the evil one is going to try and dissuade us from following God, and these are the times that others can often see Jesus through how we live our lives. The minute we take one step of obedience, God opens up new opportunities and shows us new areas that He is working. Don't determine your response to God by looking at your gifts; look at the Lord and say, "Yes, Lord! I know Your Spirit is present to enable me as I obey You. Thank You, Lord!" Obedience starts with having a heart that says "yes" to God.

- Once you decide to trust the Lord and obey, He will trust you with the power to do the work Once you decide to obey Him, you will know His presence like never before. It is up to us to take that first step in faith. We cannot worry that we are not capable of doing what God calls us to do. God does not look for our ability (praise God!); He looks for our availability. The purposes of God are not based on our ability, but on His ability to work through us. When God chooses you to do something, remember, this is His first choice, not His second best. God takes the ordinary, and fills them with the extraordinary. God wants to use you... not because no one else is available, but so His glory will be seen through you.

- God's love cannot be explained - it can only be experienced. While we are commanded to share the love of Jesus and the message of the Gospel with others, there is no way to tell them what it is like to have a personal relationship with Jesus, or how it feels to know that God loves us unconditionally in spite of our many shortcomings. We can share with others that God loves us so much that He gave His only Son as a sacrifice for us, and that Jesus paid the price for our sins through a brutal death. But we cannot convey to them how that love fills our hearts and enables us to love others unconditionally as well. They must come to know Jesus as their personal Savior. The great news is that Jesus wants to have a relationship with them; all they need to do is ask Him and receive His gift!

- God is the same yesterday, today, and forever! We live in a world of pain and suffering, challenges and tragedies. The effects of sin are seen all around us every day. But no matter what is happening around us or in our own lives, God never changes; He is the one thing in this world that we can always count on. He is the same after the unexpected death of a loved one as He was before; He is the same after receiving the news of a life-threatening disease as He was before; He is the same after that mass shooting as He was before; He is the same after that job loss as He was before. We can always be sure that He will never leave us, that He is in complete control, and that He can take any situation and use it for good.

- Service is the pathway to real significance. It is through ministry that we discover the meaning of our lives. I was so blessed this year to be able to meet many great people and begin many special friendships, just because I was willing to serve others in some way. Whether it was through an outreach opportunity through our church, an acquaintance met through a business environment, or simply in meeting someone new and reaching out to help in some way... if I went into each adventure in prayer and asking God to show me what to say and/or do, He almost always gave me an opportunity to take that extra step to reach out to someone. In many of those cases, those I was reaching out to felt as though I was helping them; truth be told, I was the one that was receiving an amazing gift!

- Prayer, Prayer, Prayer! The power of prayer! The vehicle to getting to know Jesus more intimately, the gift of being able to intercede on behalf of others, the comfort of the presence of God... EVERYTHING revolves around prayer and Scripture. Pray continually!

So... just a few "notes" of the past year (I said I could probably write a book, and I think I came pretty close to doing just that!). Believe it or not, I've probably left out some very key lessons and many wonderful words that God had put before me this year; thankfully, the learning never has to end, for God is a God of new beginnings, and He is constantly molding us into the person He made us to be.

I pray that you will take some time to reflect on all that God did in your life this past year; I pray that you will always seek to experience the love of God and the presence of Jesus in your life; I pray that you will ask God to show you where He is working around you each day, that He will give you the courage to step out in faith as He leads, and that you will respond in obedience to what He asks; and I pray that 2010 will be a year of changed lives for you - that your life will be changed as you respond to the Lord, and that you will help to change others' lives by allowing Jesus to work through you, and willingly and eagerly being the hands and feet of Jesus.

With Love and Prayers,

Kim

BLESSINGS OF THE DAY!

2009-10-16T00:48:00.010-04:00

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."

(1 Chronicles 16:34)

We hear - and talk - a lot about having a heart of gratitude, and I do my best to be mindful of all of the blessings in my life. But as much as I like to think that I have a grateful heart, I know that I fall short. It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of day-to-day tasks, that I all too often don't take time to stop and count my blessings. So today, I want to do just that!

Here is a small sampling of THE BLESSINGS OF TODAY:

TODAY - Yes, today is a gift in and of itself!

Being unconditionally loved by the Everlasting Father, and counted a friend of the Creator of the Universe

Having a loving husband, who provides for mine and my family's every need

Being entrusted with the care of three wonderful children who inspire me to strive to be better than I am

Friends who support and encourage, challenge and comfort

Clutter that stems from having too much stuff, for that means that I have been given more than I need

Clothes that are becoming too tight, because that means that I have more than enough food to eat

Finalizing ticket orders to take a group of church women to Women of Faith 2010

Jeff returning home safely from an out-of-town business trip

A phone call from my daughter, Kelly, saying she is coming home tomorrow (Friday) for the weekend

Dinner out with my parents and my two boys

Sending out encouragement cards, because it means that I have friends to care for

The phone call from my son's class mom confirming that I will be helping in the classroom for their fall party, because I'm reminded of how fortunate I am to be able to be home with him and share in activities like these with him

Auto repair expenses, for that means that we have reliable transportation

Always full laundry baskets, for it means that my family and I have clothes to wear

My son, Walter, learning from some bad decisions, and working hard to fulfill his commitments and to find his passion, and for direction for after high school graduation

Never-ending to-do lists of household chores, needs, and repairs, for that means we have a home

The alarm clock going off way too early, because it means that I have things to do and purposes yet to fulfill; I am alive!

Hugs and kisses from my "baby" boy, Kevin

Staying up way too late to share my heart on this blog!

I'm sure I've forgotten one or two HUNDRED blessings from today. But just think how great our days would be, no matter what we're facing, if we took a few minutes every day to thank God for the many blessings He gives us each day! And remember, just as in my list above, the "little" blessings of the day are blessings just the same. And frankly, when we really get down to it, it's those "little" blessings that turn out to be the greatest blessings of all!

I pray that you, too, will take some time to give thanks to the Lord, for He truly is good; His love really does endure forever!!!

Love and Blessings to you!

Kim

CHANGES & CHALLENGES, FAITH & OBEDIENCE!

2009-10-14T02:20:00.006-04:00

Yes, it's been another very long gap between postings! I guess I'm not really made for this blogging stuff, huh?! But I keep plugging away (or I'm just too dumb to quit - or have too much invested to stop!) :) There are so many things that I think of throughout my days to write about (I guess that's what happens when you wait two months between postings!).

One thing that's been on my heart a lot lately, though, is how God uses every single thing that we go through with Him for good. I've heard, and repeated often, that God will use the challenging things we go through either for our benefit or in order to help someone else down the road. Those words sound great, and I truly believe them... but living them is so much more exciting, and rewarding!

First let me say that I do realize that facing the challenges in the first place is not always an easy task. If you've read any of my postings, you know that the Lord has called me to make a lot of changes in my life, especially over the last several months. You may have also read that most of those changes were very hard for me to make (admittedly they were harder to make because of my fear of surrendering everything to God, but that's beside the point!). Add to that a couple of months of unfavorable mammograms, ultrasounds, a biopsy, and lots of waiting. Throw in the "normal" challenges that come with having a sophomore in college, a high school senior, and a kindergartener. Now sprinkle in some day-to-day experiences of married life. I think you get my point... while we may know that we are doing the right thing and that we are never alone, challenges are not always easy to face!

But... looking back on what came from those experiences puts those same challenges in a whole new light! For most of the things I just mentioned, it was very obvious to me at the time that God's hand was in every one of those situations (and it was only because my eyes chose not to see Him in the ones that weren't obvious to me because I know He was in those, too). Now, however, I can see that not only was God in those situations at the time, but He also took those situations and used them in whole new ways down the road.

It has become clear to me that, while God can use everything for good, it is in those challenging times or times where we need to step out in faith that God will use our testimony to impact others the most. You see, I had no doubt that God was calling me to make some pretty significant changes in my life; I had never felt the Lord's presence so strong in my life or heard His voice so clearly before (which, obviously, should be a great thing... and it was). At the same time, though, I felt as though I was in a world of total chaos all of the time; I don't know how to explain it, but there was also a peace amidst that total chaos (you may have heard me refer to that as "spiritual schizophrenia"!).

One of those big changes for me was the call to enroll in a Ministerial Study Program (MSP). This was not easy for me to swallow to say the least - I am the last person that I would have ever envisioned doing something like this! And by the way, the call for me to do this came only AFTER I took the step of faith to give up my full-time business and stay home with my son. I had no idea why God was so clearly telling me to leave my business, and I fought His direction to do so for more than six months. Almost immediately after I made that decision, though, is when God gave me the next step (a little - no a BIG lesson on faith!). One quick side note to beginning the MSP... I in no way believed that I was capable of getting through this program (and there are times that I'm still not sure). But a key point that I've learned along the way is that the purposes of God are not based on our ability, but on His ability to work through us. Once you decide to trust the Lord and obey, He will trust you with the resources and power to do the work. And once you are obedient to Him, you will know His presence like never before!

It has only been recently that I've begun to feel comfortable sharing with people that I am in the MSP; it was very difficult for me to tell anyone else about it before because quite frankly I couldn't really believe it myself. Lately, though, there have been several times that the Lord has opened doors for me to reach someone else by sharing my experiences from the MSP. And every time, these have opened other doors for me to really minister to them in a very personal way. And remember those challenges I mentioned along the way, the times that required a step of faith in the face of fear? Those are the very things that I believe spoke to those people the most. Sometimes we don't know why we're on a certain road with God until somewhere down the road; but we must begin that journey with Him knowing that He is in control and that He will never abandon us.

If you are a follower of Jesus, I think it is only natural for you to seek the Holy Spirit's presence in your life. But we must realize that desiring the Holy Spirit also means that we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us. The Spirit is given to each one of us in order to equip us to do God's will, and surrender our own will, no matter where He may lead. Scary stuff, huh?! Well, it would be if we had to go where God tells us on our own; but we could never do it on our own... and we don't have to! Each small step of faith is a giant step of growth. And with growth, often comes growing pains. When we are obedient in the small steps of surrender, God will continue to prepare us to take those bigger leaps of surrender down the road. And you know what that means... more changes, more challenges, more steps of faith... more opportunities to share what God is doing in our lives, more lives changed, more blessings... let's just say more God!

I am so thankful for all of the gifts that God has given me - the gifts of changes and challenges, as well as the gifts of sharing His gifts with others! I pray that with each step that the Lord asks me to take, I will not only take that step in faith, but that He will open my eyes to the opportunities He gives me to help others to trust Him and begin walking with Him in faith as well.

While I would never wish anything bad on you, I do pray that your days will be filled with changes and challenges, that you will respond in faith and obedience, and that you will receive the Lord's blessings in ways you could never even begin to imagine!

With Love and Prayers!

Kim

Not my will, but Yours be done!

2009-08-16T00:13:00.001-04:00

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

That sure looks good at the top of a blog page, doesn't it? But how easy it can be to forget that promise and get wrapped up in our own desires, goals, and preferences... at least for me. It's been no secret to those around me that God has called me to make A LOT of changes in my life over the last several months. While I have been excited about those changes and eager to be obedient to the callings of God, I must also confess that I have struggled with the growing pains involved with making those changes.

Obedience starts with having a heart that says "yes" to God... but it doesn't end there. To be truly surrendered means turning everything over to God, in every area of our life. I've realized that there have been certain areas of my life that I have kept "protected" from the control of God. Not consciously, mind you. But there are things that I have conveniently overlooked, tolerated, or made excuses about that really come down to a matter of surrender. And surrender cannot be a one-time decision... it is a decision that must be made daily - and really, throughout every minute of every day.

Maybe that is where the challenge for me lies? Consistency! Eating right, exercising, working on my marriage and supporting my husband, being a patient and attentive parent, putting Bible study and prayer first in my days, etc. etc. etc.... All of those things are not too difficult short-term, but seem to become a challenge over a long period of time.

Sometimes, too, I think that I allow fear that I might fail God stand in the way of giving God total control of my life and walking the path that He lays before me. But then I'm reminded that, yes there will definitely be times that I fail God and my heart my wander away from Him, but He will never fail me. It is at those times (like in the last several days!) that I am completely overwhelmed by God's love and His never-ending pursuit of me!

At times, I feel as though I have some sort of "spiritual schizophrenia"! If you ever listen to Contemporary Christian Music, you've probably heard the song, "Two Hands" by Jars of Clay (if not, check out the playlist below, song #3). The chorus of that song says, "I use one hand to pull You closer, the other to push You away; if I had two hands doing the same thing, lifted high, lifted high." I want so desperately to be obedient and to be in close fellowship with Jesus; but at the same time, I find myself pushing away the One who loves me the most and wants to bless me in ways I can' t even imagine.

Following Christ and surrendering your will to His is not always easy and it may even feel like a sacrifice (Is that not ridiculous to think that WE are the ones sacrificing?!). Quite often, doing so creates a feeling of chaos within our human souls. But at the same time, striving to be in the center of God's will - no matter how challenging it may seem at times - also brings with it a feeling of blessing, joy, completeness, and peace.

So... where does that leave me (and you)? I believe we must begin by making a point to surrender everything to Him first thing every morning and throughout our entire day. And we must be willing to ask God for the help that only He can provide. And those two things must be done in that order... God is waiting for a heart that is surrendered and ready to obey before He speaks.

I am so grateful for the many ways that God faithfully calls me back to obedience, and for the wonderful people that He has put in my life to help keep me on track! That may have to be a blog entry of its' own for another day!

My prayer for you today is that you will realize that you have a God so strong to hold you, a God so smart to guide you, a God so all-knowing to teach you, and a God so powerful to control your future... and that you will stand on His strength instead of your own.

The wise person values the Giver more than the gifts!

2009-07-21T00:38:00.004-04:00

It's easy to be grateful for the "good" gifts in our lives. However, some gifts come disguised as challenges and heartaches. But no matter what our day may hold, that very day is a gift from God. And the greatest gift of all is the presence of God in our lives - no matter where we are or what we are doing!

First, though, we must take the time to accept the gifts that we are given.
Next, we must give thanks to the Giver of all good gifts.
Then, we must show our appreciation by using the gifts we're given for the glory of God.

God is good - all the time! All the time - God is good!

What gifts have you been given today? Have you taken the time to give thanks to the Giver? How are you using those gifts to glorify God through your life today?

I hope you have a heart of gratitude today (and here's a hint... you can create a heart of gratitude even if you don't always feel it simply by asking yourself, "What five things am I most grateful for today?", or "Who are the five people who love me the most?" or "What are my greatest strengths or talents, and how can I use them to benefit others today?"). I'm afraid I don't always take the time to acknowledge and give thanks as I should, but I am so grateful for the gifts in my life. What an amazing God we serve who continues to give, even when we don't recognize or willingly accept His gifts! I pray that the Lord will always find me (and you!) worthy of His gifts - especially the gifts that come disguised as challenges, because those are the gifts that seem to bring us even closer to Him.

If you're reading this, you too are a gift in my life! Have a blessed day!

SUMMER BLESSINGS!

2009-07-20T01:25:00.001-04:00

Wow! I cannot believe how quickly this summer is flying by! It seems like just the other day that the kids were getting out of school, and now there's just over a month until they go back to school. Anyway, I guess I've just been feeling the need to kind of "dump" some of what's been going on and what's been on my mind.

When the summer first started, we didn't have anything on the calendar, but it quickly filled up! Let's see... we had a church sports camp (I worked, and my five year old, Kevin, attended); Kevin also went to a multi-sport camp with soccer, basketball, and baseball; Kevin has been playing on his first t-ball team (very cute, if I do say so myself!); my almost 17 year old son, Walter, has been having cross country practices every morning and weight trainings or other practices in the evenings; Walter has also been doing work to prepare to complete his Eagle project for Boy Scouts (he has finally decided on a project to fill in all of the cracks and holes in the church driveways and parking lots - a pretty big job, but I'm glad he picked a challenging project to earn his Eagle rank); my daughter, Kelly, has been home this summer from college, and is working almost full-time at a Christian day care; she loves her job, and has taken a particular interest in a little girl at the day care who does not have the best of home situations (she spent the weekend with us last weekend); Kelly has also been taking an English course two nights a week in order to make up for some credits that she lost by transferring colleges; our entire family all went to Hershey Park for a few days this past week (Kevin was a daredevil on all of the rides - he even rode the Super Dooper Looper roller coaster twice- a feat that his older brother and sister didn't tackle until they were 16!); my husband, Jeff, and Kevin and I will be going to my in-laws' house in North Carolina this Friday (however, Jeff will be leaving us Sunday through Friday to go to Texas for work) and we will be returning on the 3rd of August; Walter is going to cross country camp the 26th-29th of July; he will then be going to National Advanced Youth Leadership Experience (NAYLE) in New Mexico from 31 July - 8 August; Walter's 17th birthday is August 10th; Kelly will be staying home through all of our travels (she needs to work and earn some money!); Walter had his "official" senior pictures taken (the ones for the yearbook) and he will be having his other senior pictures taken when he returns from New Mexico; and I'm sure there will be even more going on before the summer actually comes to an end! Just as the summer is flying by, the kids are growing up so quickly - I'm afraid that the family trip we took to Hershey Park could be one of the last trips we will be able to take with our entire family together (although we did tell Kelly and Walter that when Kevin is their age, they could very well be taking their own kids to amusement parks with Kevin! - Kelly will be 32 and Walter will be 30 when Kevin graduates from high school!).

Besides being busy, the summer has been a great time of growing in my relationship with the Lord, and witnessing the many ways that He is working in our lives! It has been so exciting to me to see how God works in all of the smallest details of our lives.

The church sports camp was one of the first venues to see how awesome our God really is. There were so many ways that we saw Him work.... First of all, we went from having 70 kids registered on the Saturday before the camp started, to having 95 show up on Monday morning! This was my first experience working this particular camp, and I think I learned as much that week as the kids did. I saw attacks from the enemy try to derail workers with everything from plain old discouragement to flat tires - and I saw God overcome every one of those attempts! Personally, I experienced the Holy Spirit first hand in many ways; one of the main areas that He showed up every single day was during the coach's time with the kids. We, as coaches, were to share a personal story every day that related to the lesson of the day. No matter how much I thought about it in the days before, I never had a story going in to that day's coach's meeting - but miraculously, literally less than five minutes prior to that session each day, the Holy Spirit brought just the right story to my mind and helped me convey that story to the kids in my group. The day we were to present the Gospel to the children, it was obvious that the evil one was alive and active throughout the entire day. Not only were there a lot more challenges and minor injuries throughout the day, but the kids were just a lot more distracted and fidgety that day. But guess what? The evil one is no match for our God, and He not only overcame the challenges of the day, but He turned each and every one of those for good! A particularly exciting highlight for me during the week was hearing my five year old tell me the specifics of the day that he had accepted Jesus! Being fairly new in my own spiritual journey with Jesus, I wasn't quite sure how to know if my son was old enough to understand what it meant to accept Jesus as his personal Savior. I thought he understood, he gives of himself quite often in amazing ways, and we pray together often (many times it is Kevin who reminds us that we need to pray about a situation when our "adult" minds are busy trying to deal with things in our own strength!), and I thought there was a time that he consciously accepted Jesus, but I really wasn't sure if that was real or just a mother's hope for her son. The day the children heard the Gospel, though, Kevin told me that he "didn't need to say that prayer at the end because he had already done that before" - and then he proceeded to tell me about the details of the day that he had done that, probably about six months prior (I remembered the time he was talking about, and it was actually months earlier than the time I was thinking of!). Not only did he know that he had said that prayer to confess that he was a sinner and that he needed Jesus to come into his heart, but he remembered all of the details about that glorious moment in his still young life! What more could a parent ask for?!

I also began my first course in the Ministerial Study Program (MSP) that I am taking. It has been very demanding and way out of my comfort zone, and at times I really wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle it (to be honest, there are still times I feel that way!). But I had a "revelation" a few weeks ago: This is not something I can do while multi-tasking other things or with the TV on and the family busy around me - I have to be alone, begin with prayer, and rely on the Holy Spirit to help me understand what I am reading and complete the assignments before me - DUH! Once I realized that I need to be in mindset of prayer with my heart open to really hear, the course became much more doable, and much more exciting. It is still very challenging and involves a lot of work, but I am moving forward, and I know that I am moving in the direction that God has laid before me. It's funny... the course I'm taking is an Inductive Bible Study course, and during any one session, it's not unusual for me to go from not having a clue how I am supposed to answer a question to being completely overwhelmed with pure joy and enthusiasm for God's Word! I'm ashamed to say it, but I have never in my life had such a passion for studying the Word of God and wanting to share those words and that passion with others. Obviously, I have a very long road ahead of me and I have only begun to scratch the surface of my courses. But God is using every inch of the road along the way for His glory, and I am blessed to be witnessing and experiencing that.

I never cease to be amazed at God's perfect timing, and how He can take what He is doing in one person's life and interweave that with what He is doing in someone else's life! Several months ago, the Lord put a burden in my heart to begin a prayer ministry for the pastors of our church. Now, I'll be honest, I tried to put that idea out of my head, thinking that I really was not the "right" person to be starting something like this. As usual, God won, and this past week I finally got in touch with our lead pastor about starting this ministry. Not only was he appreciative of the idea and supportive of me going ahead with the program, but it "just so happened" to coincide with the message that he was preaching today (and by the way, I later found out that our pastor planned out this sermon as part of a series he is preaching last December!). The topic of his sermon was how we all need to have intercessors in our lives that have our back and are mentioning our name in prayer, those who are going before God in prayer on our behalf. Do you think that God had His hand in all that was working in and around us, and "just so happened" to work it out so these two things came together at just the right time?! I did have to speak in both services to our church family about what we were beginning, but even through my nervousness I was able to see the Holy Spirit work and bring the right words to my lips at the right time (my husband asked me several times what I was going to say, and my answer was always that I had no idea, I was counting on the Lord to get me through it - I was looking forward to hearing what came out of my mouth!). We received great feedback from so many people who understand that our pastors are under a lot of pressure and who share the same desire for wanting to cover our pastors in prayer. I have to believe that if this group of committed Pastoral Prayer Partners is offering up focused prayers for our pastors, their support staff, and the church as a whole, that we are going to see God doing awesome and unbelievable things in our community through our church! Of course, that will only re-emphasize the importance of covering the pastors and church in prayer, because the more lives that are being changed, the more opposition we are all going to face. But God is faithful and God is good - all the time!

So needless to say, this has been a very busy, exciting, and blessed summer! Of course, there have also been some challenges that have surfaced and things that we still need to deal with, and I'll try and share some of those in a later post. But even in those times, God has made His presence known. Isn't it awesome that no matter where we are or what we are doing, no matter how many mistakes and wrong turns we make, God is always there to see us through and guide our steps if we will only seek His guidance and listen for His direction?!

This has been yet another very long post, probably filled with a lot of babbling; but like I've said before, this has been a great avenue for me to dump some of my thoughts and happenings, and kind of get to step back and see things from another side. From time to time, I hope that a word or two that I share will touch someone else and be helpful to them, particularly in their personal walk with the Lord. But that is out of my hands - I have no doubt that God will bring the right people to this page, at just the right time in their life, to give them a hope for what is yet to come.

I hope that your summer has been filled with blessings - or more accurately, I hope that you are stopping to appreciate all of the blessings that have come your way this summer! No matter what the situation, the Lord is showering us with blessings. If we are not seeing them, we need to ask ourselves - and ask God - why not; then listen for the answer and be obedient to taking the next steps in faith, whether they seem to make sense to us or not. Remember, the purpose of prayer is not to get what we want, but to allow the will of God to take over our life, and fill our hearts with love and peace with whatever the answer may be.

My God bless you and your family, and may you continually seek to know and stay in the center of God's will for your life!

With friendship, prayers, and love,

Kim

THE DIVINE NATURE OF GOD CANNOT BE HIDDEN!

2009-05-29T01:36:00.008-04:00

You've heard the saying, “take time to stop and smell the roses”. How about taking that thought to a new level, “take time to see the divine nature of God”?! Open your eyes, and look around you… open your heart, and see. Take time today (and everyday) to really experience the awesome power and unmistakable presence of God. He is everywhere, he has us surrounded, all the time – our job is to quiet ourselves, open our hearts, surrender everything to Him, and obey.

For the last several months, I have seemed to be completely mesmerized by looking at the clouds. I don’t mean looking at them as we did when we were kids (and sometimes still do!), trying to see the different shapes and pictures in the clouds. I’m talking about being fascinated by the unbelievable power that exists there. It’s not unusual to talk with people in passing about how beautiful the sky is on those bright, sunny, summer days, and that is obviously something to enjoy and appreciate. But what about those gloomy, maybe even stormy days? Maybe there are dark, storm clouds rolling quickly through the sky. Maybe the entire sky is engulfed in darkness. Maybe there are heavy, snow filled clouds. Maybe it’s raining. Maybe there’s just a small glimpse of sunshine peeking through the sky and streaming down beams of light. Maybe there’s even a rainbow. No matter what kind of sky is greeting you, there is an undeniable power that exists above our heads and all around us. The Lord has been using those moments that I stop to appreciate His power and presence to speak to my heart about so many other wondrous things He has done, is doing, and will continue to do for eternity.

Take a few minutes to really see. This may sound crazy, but there are times where I have goose bumps and tears fill my eyes just from looking into what God has painted for us to enjoy. Now, think about this… as magnificent as that miraculous work of nature is, it is still only a very small picture of what God can do! Are we making time every day to take notice of the so many “simple” miracles around us? Are we looking to see what God is doing around us, and then seeking opportunities to join Him in His work? Think about that last comment for just a minute… God really does want us to join Him in His work! Are we willing to accept the privilege of being used by God? I've discovered that to truly be obedient and able to be fully used by God, we need to know our answer before God ever asks the question or gives the assignment – YES! God wants to know that our heart is set on saying yes no matter what He calls us to do, whether we feel capable or not. God will equip us to do the work only after He gives us the assignment – if we aren't going to do the job, why would He need to give us the tools?

God’s divine nature cannot be hidden! It must – and it will – express itself. When we surrender everything to Him, give Him complete control of our lives, are walking with the Spirit, and are committed to being obedient, God will absolutely work through us to reach those around us. How exciting is that?! Faith… faith that truly believes that nothing is impossible with God. Each one of us can have power to move mountains, you can count on it! The question is… is there evidence of that faith in our lives? Are we showing others by our actions, not just our words, that we believe that God can, and will, do the impossible?

I still feel like a child in my walk with the Lord. But maybe having the faith of a child is a good thing. In any case, I am praying today that God will always give me (and you!) the desire to know Him more intimately, to seek hard to continually develop my relationship with Him, and to never take for granted the divine nature of God.

I was blessed today to experience one of those moments where God showed up and made His presence known. He was able to really touch someone’s life in a very personal way where they knew it could only be God. And through God’s great grace, he allowed me to be the vehicle He used to speak to her. But… that is a story for another day (always leave ‘em wanting more, right?!)!

The divine nature of God cannot be hidden!

Make some time today to experience it!

Lost!

2009-05-05T15:02:00.007-04:00

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." - Isaiah 30:21

I know... it's been more than two weeks since my last post! Let's just say I've been lost for awhile. No, I haven't exactly been wondering around not knowing where I am physically. But you may know what I mean... There has been A LOT of "stuff" going on lately (I really don't know why we use that word "lately" - it seems there is always a lot of stuff going on!). I'm very blessed, and a lot of those things have been good, even if I didn't realize it at the time. In the big scheme of things, there really haven't been any bad things that have happened. It is mostly cases of life just getting in the way, and me allowing those to distract me from the more important things of life.

I had about an hour and a half car ride alone yesterday that gave me a lot of time to think, and more importantly, to have heart-to-heart chat with God. Along the way, I got to thinking about being lost, the reasons we too often find ourselves unsure of where we are and/or where we are going, and the tools and people that we have available to help us.

First of all, there are these things called maps that are available to us. Maybe you've seen one before! Theoretically, if we have a map, there is no reason that we should ever be lost. In reviewing the map, we can see at any given moment where we are, where our destination is, and the best roads to take to get there. There are even customized maps that you can get for longer trips that will tell you where there is construction along the way, and give you alternate routes to avoid those areas. Of course, in the age of technology, we now have GPS systems that will tell us and show us every turn along the way, roads under construction to avoid, alerts to accidents and high traffic areas, etc. - all designed to get us safely and quickly from point A to point B.

The challenge with each of these tools is that they are all dependent on the user taking the initiative to use them. And the success or failure in using these tools depends on the user's knowledge of how to use each of them. I don't know about you, but I could have a perfectly good, accurate map in my hand, with my path highlighted, and still find myself lost! Now, if I have someone beside me saying, "turn left at the McDonald's, turn right at the third stop sign, etc.", I am much more likely to make it to my destination without any complications.

On that note, let's look at another example. I'm sure you have been on a tour or a vacation at some point in your life where you had a tour guide to show you around. They do the driving, they know every short cut, they know the history of each point of interest, and they know the way to take you from one point to the next in the most efficient and beneficial way (they even include in their tour scheduled breaks for eating, using the restroom, relaxing, etc.). So your odds of getting lost when you have a tour guide are slim to none.

But how many of you have ever been part of a tour group where a few people have strayed from the group and gotten lost (not you, of course, but someone else in the group!)? What happens? First of all, the entire group is held up and forced to wait for the other members, which may cause them to have to cut out visiting some sites in order to stay on schedule. Second, the tour guide is usually very frustrated with those who wandered off (I know because I have been on the end of leading the group as well, and there always seems to be a wanderer in the group, especially if you are leading a group of school kids!). The tour guide normally has to take the wanderer back, but is sometimes not in the best of moods from that point on; and sometimes they may even ask the wanderer to leave the group. So even with a tour guide it is possible to get lost if we don't follow the directions of the leader.

So... what's my point in all of this babbling?! It is becoming more and more obvious to me that most of the time when I find myself "lost" it is because I have chosen either not to use the tools available to me, and/or I have wandered away from my guide. It is in those times that many of my challenges and distractions of life seem to occur the most. If I am using the all of my resources and following my guide, I can usually find my way with very little obstacles or detours.
Again... what's my point in all of this babbling?! First of all, it is my responsibility to use the tools and resources that have been given to me: reading my Bible daily, spending dedicated time in prayer every day, continuing to pray all throughout my day, committing Scripture versus to my mind and heart so they will come easily to my lips when I need them, attending and engaging in weekly church services, participating in a small community group of other Christ-centered people who can help show me the way, etc.

Second, and most importantly, consciously following the path that Jesus has laid before me. He calls me to follow Him, and He guides my every step... if I choose to open my eyes and my heart, and take each step in faith behind Him. To do this, I need to be taking time to "be still and know...". I also need to choose to be be obedient to the directions He tells me to take, trusting Him to know the best path for me, even when I can't see it myself. The Lord has a destination already planned for me. He wants me to be in a close personal relationship with Him in order to know Him better and to follow His every step. And while I may wander away from my Guide, He never has me out of His sight, He never allows me to be truly lost, and He always gladly invites me back into His group.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:6

Now, don't get me wrong... I have been reading my Bible and praying every day, and I have been doing a pretty good job of being obedient to the path the Lord wants me to take. I've been attending church, and I've been very connected to my friends in my small group. But I haven't been making the time to "be still and know...", to listen to the directions and follow the map that God gives me, to stay 100% Christ-centered in all of my decisions and actions. I have not been taking time to not only read my Bible, but to truly study His Word; to hearing His voice, quieting my mind and surrendering my will completely to His all day every day.

It is only through all of these things that I ensure that I will never be lost. The map is in place, the directions are clear, the landmarks are posted, and the tour guide is eagerly calling me to follow! And guess what? The destination is better and more beautiful than any I could ever choose to go on my own! Yes, there will be construction, obstacles, and detours along the way. I may even encounter some dead ends and/or have other challenges that delay my trip. But my Guide is always aware of these "distractions", and He always has the path laid out for me to go around them. He always gives me the tools and resources required to make the repairs and to generate the next map in order to get back on course. And best of all, He is with me every step of the way, whether the course is easy or if life is getting in the way!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

So I am back on track (again!), and I plan to stay firmly connected to my tour Guide! Fortunately for me, I have a tour Guide that always welcomes me back no matter how many times I stray. And He always uses those distractions and my wanderings to teach me a lesson, and to use them as a stepping stone along my path. I pray that if you have gotten "of course", you will turn to your Guide as well, and use the resources that He has provided all of us to help you get back on track and to clearly see the next step that He has laid in front of you.

Have a blessed day!

2009-04-20T14:09:00.004-04:00

A couple of friends (Sarah at http://www.nestinginpleasantview.blogspot.com/ and Christy at http://www.hereandhome.blogspot.com/) had this on their websites, so I thought I'd join the fun!

For Today...

Outside my window... Gloomy and rainy, but the sunshine is coming back in a couple of days!

I am thankful for... God giving me the opportunity to be at home with my son while following new directions He has asked me to pursue. And for my VERY understanding and supportive husband who has stood by me through all of those recent changes.

From the kitchen... My least favorite place in the home (except when it comes to Christmas baking, and visiting with friends and family who always seem to end up gathering in the kitchen!). Today, I'm thinking fried potatoes for dinner with who knows what else - hopefully, something will come to me before then.

I am wearing... Comfy jeans and my "The country that prays together stays together" t-shirt.

I am reading... Still finishing up "The Passion Of Jesus Christ" by John Piper. It's very good, but also somewhat intense, which takes a lot more focused energy to get through. I'm also recommitting to my daily Bible reading - I confess that, while I have been reading my Bible every day, I have gotten behind on my 'through the Bible chronologically in a year' reading plan.

I am hoping... To receive my final approval and materials from the Leadership Academy in order in order to begin classes in the Ministerial Study Program. Then I'm hoping for God's strength and wisdom to help me get through the program!

I am creating... Seemingly more messes and chaos as I try to clean out drawers, boxes, etc.!

I am hearing... Continuous talking and questions from my 5 year old son (life is great!).

Around the house... Boxes, boxes, everywhere! Cleaning out my office at work has created so much disorganization around the house that I don't even know where to begin.

One of my favorite things... My first thought was my ipod because I love to listen to my music, especially Christian music, but I have tons of all kinds of music on there. But when I asked my 5 year old what he thought my favorite things are, he said kisses and hugs... I think his answer wins by a landslide!

A few plans for the rest of the week... Taking a new friend on Tuesday to get information on pursuing a part-time opportunity with my company and getting to know her better, driving to Westerville Wednesday to take my my in-college daughter to dinner, helping to facilitate Dave Ramsey's Town Hall For Hope meeting on Thursday (look it up and attend a live teleconference rence in your area!), taking my son to gymnastics Thursday and to our church soccer camp Saturday, enjoying my new schedule and more time to hang out with my family, and whatever else the Lord puts in front of me.

What does YOUR day look like?! Have a blessed day!

A Tale Of Two Women

2009-04-16T09:54:00.013-04:00

Today, I want to share with you a story of two women who are very close to my heart. While similar in many ways, these women have experienced several different circumstances, and have also chosen to react to them in very different ways.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Was facing a lot of confusion and changes in her life, and allowed that to distract her and stop her from moving forward.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Was also facing a lot of confusion and changes in her life, but chose to turn to God and ask Him to guide her in the direction she was to take.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Felt the need to make some significant changes in her life regarding her work situation and how she was spending her time. She made those changes, but continued to feel some loss about what she had given up, and often wondered if she had made the right decisions.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Knew God was telling her to make some significant changes in her life regarding her work situation and how she was spending her time. She chose to be obedient to Him and, although difficult, willingly made those changes. She had no regrets because she was following the path that God had laid out for her.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Wanted to know "what's next?" and what the future held. She had made many goals and dreams based on her work situation and the path that she had been on, which had now changed completely.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Asked God to show her the next step, and was content to wait on Him to tell her the next steps when she needed to know them. She knew that His timing is always perfect.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Took steps to move forward in a new direction that she felt led to follow, but was fearful of each step she needed to take. While she thought that she was doing the right thing and what God wanted her to do, she did not feel capable of accomplishing what would be required of her in this new endeavor.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Confidently moved forward, asking God everyday for courage to do what He was asking her to do. She knew that God does not look for our ability, but for our availability. While she, too, did not feel very capable of accomplishing all that would be required of her, she trusted Him to equip her with the tools, wisdom, and strength that she needed when she needed it. She also knew that God's glory shines brightest when he accomplishes things through people that they could not do on their own.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Faced guilt, regrets, and envy about what she hadn't achieved and what she should be doing, she felt as though she was letting down the people she worked with, and she had feelings that she was missing out on something. She did pray and ask God for help, but wasn't always very good at listening to what He told her. She struggled with holding on to "good", when God had something "great" in store for her, if she would only choose to listen and be obedient.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Began every day choosing to surrender everything to God. She asked Him to show her where He was working around her each day, and asked Him to give her the courage to act when He told her to act. She turned all of her guilts, fears, and failures over to Him, and knew that He had a purpose for every one of those, and that He would take those and use them for good.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Was prone to frustration and often had pity parties for herself because of challenges that she was facing and things she was going through.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Also faced many challenges and went through some tough times, and got frustrated from time to time. She didn't enjoy those times, but she was grateful for them because she knew that it was during those times that God was working on her to form her into the person He made her to be - she knew that meant that He thought she was still worth reshaping.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Allowed her frustrations and struggles to get to her, and often took those frustrations out on her kids and husband. She was often on edge and short tempered, and lost her cool over things that really didn't matter. Many times, those feelings came because she felt as though she had failed in the eyes of her family, and had not followed through on the goals and dreams that she had promised to fulfill for them.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Was also often on edge and sometimes short tempered with her family, but was quick to realize it, correct her attitude, and apologize to those she had hurt. She also appreciated the fact that she was now able to give her family her full attention when they faced challenges; she had no guilt about other things that she should be doing, and she could be with them completely. She saw that many of the goals and dreams that she was trying to fulfill for her family were actually tied more to her own selfish pride, and were not really what her family desired most. She now believed her husband and kids who told her that they were loving her being home more often; she understood that they were more interested in spending time with her than in getting things from her.

THE FIRST WOMAN:

Continues to struggle with self doubt, envy, pride, guilt, and more. She says and believes the right things, but all too often focuses on herself and on what she thinks she has lost. She chooses to see where she is and who she is at the moment, instead of focusing on where God wants her to go and who He is shaping her to become.

THE SECOND WOMAN:

Struggles with those same challenges of the flesh - self doubt, envy, pride, guilt, and more. But she is so grateful for all that God has given her, for all He has done for her, and for where He has brought her. She appreciates the love of her family and is grateful for the wonderful friends that God has placed in her life. She is excited about what God is doing in her life and in the lives of those around her. She looks forward with hope and anticipation to whatever it is that God has planned for her. She is so excited (and a little scared!) about taking these next steps, and even about facing the challenges that she knows are yet to come, in order to be obedient to what God will have her do. Her only desire is to strive to stay in the center of God's will.

By now, you've probably figured out that both of these women are actually me! No, I'm not completely schizophrenic and actually believe that I am two separate people! I do, however, quite often deal with "spiritual schizophrenia" - I can have a whole conversation in my head, going back and forth between starting to believe my doubts and fears then knowing the truth about what can do in spite of me! My guess is that we all have two different people (sometimes more!) living inside of us. I would guess, too, that 'the first woman' shows up more times than we'd like to admit!

If you've been following this blog at all, you're aware that God has been asking me to make some significant changes in my life, and follow Him along a path that is way out of my comfort zone. Although it has all too often taken me awhile, I have been obedient in making those changes. It has been so exciting for me to be in a deepening relationship with Jesus Christ; one where I can hear His voice, feel His presence, and have the unbelievable knowledge that He chose me to have this relationship with me (and He chooses you!)! And yes, it has also been confusing and scary at times - this is where that "spiritual schizophrenia" comes in!

Over the last couple of weeks, I have had 'the first woman' showing up more than I would care to admit. Fortunately, 'the second woman' is always still there and wants to step to the forefront. So I'm asking some questions today: Why is it that I allow 'the first woman' to be the center of attention so often? What do I need to do to keep 'the second woman' as the primary resident of my life? What lessons can 'the second woman' learn from the mistakes of 'the first woman' (and the mistakes of 'the second woman')? What steps do I need to take to continually move 'both women' closer to God?

I think we all know the answers to each of those questions, so I won't try to elaborate on them individually. But to summarize, I think it all goes back to the message of surrender. And remember, surrender is not a one-time event; surrender is a decision that we must make every day. And surrender is not conditional; it is surrendering our own will and desires of our flesh; it is surrendering everything to Him.

I'm sure I'll have many more appearances from 'the first woman', and that's OK I guess, as long as I am continually striving to become the person God made me to be. Oh, and in case you're wondering... the past couple of weeks have also brought blessings from God beyond what I could have ever imagined, thanks to the choices of 'the second woman' in me!

God is good... all the time! All the time... God is good! I'm thankful today that God loves 'all' of 'the women' in me!

Vacation Home

2009-04-04T21:56:00.010-04:00

Myspace Graphics, Christian Graphics at WishAFriend.com

We returned home from our spring break vacation today, and I got to thinking about the joy that comes from different types of vacations, as well as the joy that comes from coming home again.

We've taken vacations in the past to places like Disney World or the beach or Hawaii; places you go to be "entertained". While those vacations are relaxing and refreshing, they are also often very busy. Our days are spent going here and seeing that and doing this. There are also quite often schedules to be kept to make sure that we "get it all in". Don't get me wrong... we have a great time on those vacations, and we are not one of those families that "have" to do everything - we typically will go for a few hours in the morning, return to our hotel for lunch and a nap and maybe a dip in the pool, and then we may venture out again in the late afternoon or evening, but still taking things at our own pace. But no matter how relaxed we are with our time, there is still a "vacation agenda" that travels with us.

Other vacations are like the ones we just returned from where we take some time out to go visit family. These vacations are still very relaxing and refreshing, but they are not nearly as busy, and they don't come with a schedule that we have to keep. We may still have places to go and people to see, but more often than not, we spend most of our days just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. I didn't even wear makeup once during this whole vacation! There is a different "comfort level" that seems to accompany our "vacation with no agenda".

Of course, no matter which type of vacation we take, it is always great to come home again! It's true, I seldom feel like unpacking and getting back into our daily "to-do" lists, but at the same time, I can't wait to get to sleep in my own bed and get back to our "routine". It's great to get away, but it's always great to come home!

So what does any of this have to do with anything?! Well, it seems to me that having a relationship with Jesus Christ is kind of like having the best of all three - the "busy" vacation, the "family" vacation, and the "coming home" vacation.

In our walk with the Lord, we do have an "agenda" that we want to keep - we are striving to surrender our will to His, and be obedient to what He asks us to do; to love Him with all of our heart, all of our soul, all of our mind, and all of our strength; and to love our neighbors as ourselves - to name just a few!

We also have the pleasure of just enjoying being in the presence of the Lord with no "agenda" - He wants us to just "hang out" with Him; to talk about the events of our day, and our joys, and our struggles; to ask for His guidance and His help; and to just "be still and know that He is God" - again, to name just a few!

Of course, the ultimate "end" (or more appropriately, "beginning") to our vacation with God is when we finally get to go "home". Obviously, I haven't experienced this part of my journey yet, but I can only begin to imagine the joy that will come from getting to begin a whole new "vacation at home"! First of all, there will be no unpacking to do or "to-do" lists waiting for us! While I'm sure we will not need to be "entertained", I know that there will be more beautiful things to see than our minds can even dream up. We will be surrounded by all of the people we have loved, and all of us will be blessed to be able to "hang out" with the Lord for eternity!

Our "vacation home" kind of makes our other "vacations" pale by comparison, doesn't it? But guess what... There is no comparison! All of these vacations and comings home are all part of our ongoing journey to know the Lord more deeply - and He is "hanging out" with us at every step along the way. So while our days may be filled with routines and struggles and challenges, and our human bodies may yearn for a vacation from time to time, as long as our hearts are focused on Jesus, we can enjoy being on "vacation" every day!

Changes

2009-03-30T10:24:00.003-04:00

Well, spring is finally in the air, and with springtime comes changes... the flowers are blooming, the birds are chirping, that fresh smell overtakes the air... the wonders of God seem to be screaming their presence for us to see. Some changes, though, can also create challenges. Spring often brings a whole new calendar of activities for those who have children active in various sports, allergies can sometimes increase with the new spring air, and that feeling of needing to do some spring cleaning may begin to start pulling at us (the results of spring cleaning are wonderful, the task of spring cleaning not so much!).

So I'm thinking about changes today. As I've shared before, God has been working on me for some time now, and asking me to make some difficult changes in my life. While they are exciting and always prove to be the best thing for me, the process is not always easy. What God requires of us changes as we go through different seasons of our life. At times, He may ask us to simply 'Be still and know that He is God' - pary continually, spend time daily in studying God's Word, praise God no matter what our circumstances are, etc. Other times, the Lord may ask us to give Him everything we've got - listen for His voice, trust Him completely, be obedient to what He tells us to do (even if we don't really want to!), and make changes that may be difficult for us to make at the time. No matter what season we are in, though, we must keep our hearts and minds focused on Him, and praise Him at all times. God's Word tells us that "to whom much is given, much is required" (Luke 12:48). But I've learned that with God, 'to much is required, much is also given'! When God requires much, He is faithful, and He will do even more - you can never out-give God! Sometimes, God requires a lot from us simply so we can have the privilege of being in a living, breathing relationship with Him.

I'm on spring break with my family this week at my in-laws house in North Carolina. I'm ashamed to say that this is the first time in several years that I have taken this trip with my family. They come down here every year, but in my misdirected "loyalty" to my business and my teammates in the business, I have chosen to stay home the last several years. I hate to confess it, but I also did the same thing many of the last several Thanksgivings. One of the major changes that God has had me make over the last several months was making the decision to give up my office and go part-time in my business. It was a very hard decision for me to make and I denied His calling to do so for several months, but once the decision was made, it has become a blessing in more ways than I could have ever imagined (as the song says, "I guess the Lord knows what He's doing after all"!). I have enjoyed being home with my youngest son and getting him off the bus from preschool. I've been able to be there for my daughter when she has gone through some difficult times the last couple of months - not just in body, but I was able to be with her 100% and give her my full attention, without feeling guilty that I should have been doing something at work. I've been able to be at sports banquets with my oldest son, and show him by my actions, not just my words, how important he is to me. And I have been able to take this vacation with my family, and enjoy just being with them, doing absolutely nothing!

I'm thinking about those "changes" that God asks us to make. It's true that some are difficult for us because of the things we have to do, the challenges we have to face, or because they force us to get out of our comfort zone. But many are difficult because we have to look ourselves honestly in the mirror and face the reality that we have allowed things other than God to take priority in our lives, even if they appear to be good things. How many times have we settled for good when God had something great in store for us if we had just listened to Him and been obedient to what He told us to do?

So I'm making some changes today - again! (And I'm asking the Lord to forgive me for the times that I did not uphold the changes I've made in the past.) I'm changing how I look at things and what I decide is really important in my life. I'm changing the order of the priorities I keep in my life to be God, family, then business (not just the order that I say I keep!). I'm changing how I look at the times when I am privileged to do "nothing" with my family - some "nothings" are way more important than many of the "somethings" in my life. And I'm changing my commitment to the changes I'm making, and I'm counting on Jesus to help me keep my commitments when my human nature is tempted to forget!

God is a God of changes... but He is also a God of faithfulness, and He promises to be with us through all of the changes we are required to make. How blessed are we that the Lord loves us so much that He pursues us to be in relationship with Him, He guides us down paths to unbelievable treasures, He shows us where we need to change to reach those destinations, and He helps us make those changes as He molds us to be like He made us to be?!

I hope you will join me in praising the Lord today, no matter what season of change you are in today!

Whose Lives Are You Touching?

2009-03-26T01:02:00.004-04:00

I've had this post on my mind since last Friday, but I have been blessed with a lot of 'wonderful chaos' the last few days and have not taken the time to write it. My husband and I went to a dinner on Friday to celebrate a good friend's retirement from the Air Force after 29 years of service to his country. It was great to see him and his wife and share their joy as they begin this new chapter of their lives. His friends had put together an awesome slide show, and several of his coworkers gave funny and heartfelt presentations - we had a great time!

But the thing that kept coming to my mind is how many people's lives he had touched during the course of his career. Many were there to celebrate with them, but I know there are hundreds if not thousands of others that have had the pleasure to know him over the years. Of course, he has impacted people's lives in very big ways and through very significant military programs. But what stood out to me the most were the "little things" that he is remembered for: the way he made sure he shook every person's hand every time he met them; his sense of humor; his leadership; the day-to-day things that he did for people that were over and above the call of duty, and that showed them that he truly cared about them; how he could take charge and get the job done, but also enjoy the process, and help others to enjoy the process as well; the way he made sure that every single person in that room knew how much he appreciated them being part of his life; the love he showed for his family and his friends; the way he made everyone feel special; the very real appreciation that he showed for each person taking time to share that event with him; basically, how he made each and every person a better person because they knew him.

So the question that came to my mind was, "What kind of impact am I making on the lives of those who I come in contact with?". Am I taking time to show my appreciation for the people in my life? Am I an example of "enjoying the process", no matter what path God has me on at the time? Am I showing God's love to my friends, family, coworkers, and others who cross my path? Do I take time to make others feel special just because they're them? Can others tell by my words and my actions that I am living my life for Christ? Am I doing everything I can to take them on that journey with me, and help move them closer to God? Do people feel better or worse after spending time with me? Are people better off because they know me?

I hope this doesn't come across as if "it's all about me" because that is certainly not my intent. In fact, I'm asking myself tonight (or I should say this morning!), "Am I truly living my life to be "all about Jesus", and putting others first in my life as He would have me do?" I want to leave a legacy for my children and my children's children; not necessarily a monetary legacy, but a legacy of faith, of love, and of being the type of person who does what is right and makes other people feel better about themselves, whether anyone notices or not.

I don't have the answers to any of those questions, but I pray that by continually asking myself these types of questions (and counting on the Lord to help me), I will stay focused on the "little things" that are oh so important! After all, when I get down to it, my job is pretty simple... love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love my neighbor as myself, right?! And thankfully, the Lord will guide me every step of the way to do both of those things, if I only ask Him.

And in case I haven't told you lately... YOU are special, and I appreciate you!

A Grateful Heart

2009-03-19T09:24:00.007-04:00

I mentioned a couple of days ago that I thought I had messed up a phone interview impacting a change in direction that I've felt God leading me to. I also mentioned that while I felt that I had failed God, He reminded me that He will never fail me; and that if this is really God's will and the timing is right, than even I couldn't mess it up. You guessed it! In spite of myself, I received a phone call yesterday giving me the approval to go ahead to the next step of this process. I was so excited! Not just because of getting to move forward with this, but because it was so obvious to me that God has had His hand in this process every step of the way, especially in changing my heart and mindset towards it. Like I said the other day, it's crazy to me that I got so upset when I though I messed this up, when just a few short weeks ago I didn't even want to think about the idea of walking down this particular path that He has laid in front of me! On my own, my reaction would have been "whew... I got off the hook with that one!" But instead, God has opened my heart to this next step, and has given me the confidence to know that although I question my own ability to succeed in this, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." So my heart is grateful for new opportunities, and especially, for my growing relationship with Christ. Which, by the way, I'm learning that having a personal relationship with God comes from being obedient to what He tells us, and that our relationship with Him begins because He pursues us -He is the only One who can create that desire in us to seek a personal relationship with Jesus. Wow, how amazing is that?!

My heart is grateful today, too, for the simple, daily moments with my family. My baby boy, Kevin, is turning five on Saturday, so we spent yesterday afternoon baking, icing, and sprinkling cookies for him to take to school. All too often I forget how special these moments really are. All Kevin could talk about the last few days (except for how many more days it was until his birthday, of course!) was getting to make those cookies! I sometimes wonder at what age it is that we lose that enthusiasm for the little things. I'm praying that from this point forward, I will begin seeing those "small" things as the "really big" things of life - that is my prayer today for you, as well.

My daughter, Kelly, came home from college yesterday for spring break, so I am looking forward to sharing many of those "really big" moments with her over the next week and a half. One of our firsts in going to be taking Kevin to Chuck E. Cheese on Friday (how blessed am I to have an 18 year old who is truly excited to get to go to Chuck E. Cheese with her little brother?!). I was also blessed to enjoy a couple of great evenings with my 16 year old son, Walter, over the last few days. One was getting to have a date night with him Saturday and staying out VERY late to see a movie with him (only for my children would I go to see a three hour movie at ten o'clock at night!). I also got to go with him to his wrestling banquet on Monday. To be honest, I'm ashamed to say that I really wasn't looking forward to spending the evening with a bunch of people I don't know and spending several hours listening to a coach talk. However, it turned out to be a great time; and the events of the evening provided a lot of great things for us to talk about after the banquet. Those are the moments that matter! My heart is thankful that the Lord keeps reminding me of this, and allowing me to experience these moments even when I am not looking at them as I should.

Of course, I can't have a conversation about gratitude and special moments without including my husband, Jeff! We have been married 21-1/2 years, and I know it sounds corny, but we grow closer and fall more in love with each other with every passing year. We have learned so much about each other and about ourselves, and we have grown so much in our personal walks with Jesus over the years. We have been going through the Fireproof series at church and in our small group, and the conversations that have stemmed from those sessions and from our homework each week have been great. Just the fact that we have been setting aside a particular time each week to go through the couples section and talk have been great moments together. Plus, we talk a lot more on a daily basis, and look forward to hearing about each other's day. Of course, we've had our share of bumps in the road, and even all of the changes that God has had us make over the last couple of years, although good, have had some challenges that went along with them. As always, though, God uses everything for good, and these rough spots have only made us stronger as individuals, strengthened our marriage, and deepened our personal relationships with the Lord. In talking about our marriage vows in the Fireproof series, we realized that we both took our vows very seriously, we did not really look at them as a vow between us and God. We asked Him to bless our marriage, we were married in a church, and we knew that God was "over" our marriage; but we really didn't make our commitments with Him as the center. We look back now and wonder how we ever made it through some of the tough times in our marriage, as parents, and in life in general - but God is faithful, and He helped us through in spite of ourselves! What a difference it makes to live life with God as the center of everything, especially our marriage!

So what are you grateful for today? I encourage you to take time today to think of all of the special moments that you've had recently. Personally, I know that I am much closer to God and hear His voice more clearly when I have an attitude of gratitude. And I have so much to be thankful for!

"I Will Never Fail You!"

2009-03-17T23:29:00.009-04:00

In my last post, I mentioned having a "you've got to be kidding!" moment with God. It seems I've had a lot of those lessons from the Lord lately in which God has called me to make some changes in my life - and frankly, I wasn't too excited about any of them at first. Obviously, the things that God has asked me to change in my life have proven to be the best move at the exactly right time for so many different reasons (go figure!). Every day, I make a conscious decision to surrender everything to God and to ask Him to help me to be obedient to follow where He leads me, and give me wisdom and courage to act when He calls me to. And I'd like to tell you that I have been a faithful servant and have responded in obedience whenever I hear His call - I'd like to, but I can't! I honestly do want to stay in the center of God's will, to listen and obey immediately, to have unshakable faith, and to trust God completely (and have my actions reflect these attitudes and beliefs). I have to confess, though, that as much as I want those things, I still seem to drag my feet, question what I know God is telling me, and somehow believe that He must be talking to someone else when He is calling me to something outside of my comfort zone. Again, it is very easy to for me to know that God is perfect, He knows all, He doesn't make mistakes, and His plans are always right - except for when He is talking to me!

It has taken me awhile to accept the most recent steps that I believe God has been calling me to take, but I had finally gotten to the point that I not only accepted it myself, but was actually able to verbalize it to a few close friends, and I started taking action on it. Without going in to all of the details, I was put in a position yesterday where I needed to share with a key person what my background and testimony is, why I am pursuing this venture, and what I intend to do if I should go forward and complete this undertaking. Well, let's just say I blew it! I was caught completely off guard, and really did a horrible job explaining myself and telling my story. Needless to say, I was frustrated and disappointed, and felt that I had failed God and had blown one of the first things that He has told me to do. Of course, if it's God's will, and the timing is right, then me sounding like a blithering idiot wouldn't have as huge of an impact as I made it out to be. I just want so badly to stay in the center of God's will and be obedient to Him - I know this is a process and a relationship, not a decision or any one event. While I am trusting Him for direction, I know that I also need to do my part when He asks me. It seems I am reminded every day in some way that it is all about the relationship that I have with Jesus, not so much the "what's next?" that stems from that relationship (You'd think I'd catch on sooner or later, wouldn't you?!). It is so overwhelmingly amazing to me that we can truly have this living, breathing, one-on-one relationship with Him! So, I beat myself up for awhile (I don't do that as often as I used to, but I am still pretty good at it!), and I whined and vented to my pastor and a couple of close friends (which then meant that I had to apologize to each of them this morning!).

In my prayers last night and this morning, though, I kept hearing the Lord tell me, "yes, but I will never fail you!". Wow - point taken! My job is to hold on to Him, listen, and be obedient - to surrender everything to Him everyday, and give Him my best every day - and trust Him to take care of the rest! He is always in total control, and everything that happens is either part of His perfect will or His permissive will - and He can use everything for good, no matter how much I goof up, as long as I keep walking closely with Him. Believe it or not, I am learning - I may be a slow learner, but I am learning!

What's funny in all of this is that I got so upset because I may have messed this up, when just a few short weeks ago I didn't even want to think about the idea of walking down this particular path that He has laid in front of me! God has been gracious and eliminated some of the desires of my heart, and He apparently has created new ones I wasn't even aware of! God is good... all the time!

So I don't know yet what the result will be from my stellar performance yesterday, but that's OK. I will continue asking the Lord or direction, listening to what He tells me, and doing my very best to be obedient the moment that He reveals Himself and His will to me. I often think that every experience is supposed to teach me something or reveal something to me; but I'm learning that sometimes we must go through an experience simply to develop our character and allow God to continue molding us into the person He created us to be. I pray that I will remain pliable to Him every step of the way in this wonderful journey of change, growth, and becoming closer to God.

What about you?... What is God teaching you today? Are you remaining pliable by staying in His word and seeking His direction? God has great plans for us, and He will see them through to fruition if we will only empty ourselves of everything that is not of Him, and continually allow Him to mold us into the person He created us to be... no matter how difficult the process may seem at the time! Remember, we are in the Potter's Hands - What better place could we be?!

You've Got To Be Kidding!

2009-03-16T09:30:00.002-04:00

My husband and I went to see Casting Crowns in concert on Friday - WOW! What an UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME concert! If you ever get a chance to see them, I highly recommend it - this is the second time we've been fortunate enough to see them in concert, and I look forward to seeing them again. From my experience, Christian concerts such as this are really as much a worship session as it is a concert. It is pretty much guaranteed that God will use that time to speak to you in a very personal way - this was no exception. I have been hearing God calling me to take some steps toward doing something that is WAY out of my comfort zone, knowledge, experience, abilities, and everything else (I know, God doesn't look for our abilities, He looks for our availability, but...!)! While He has been planting seeds in me for quite awhile now about heading in this direction, but it just did not make any sense to me - I am SO not the person I would ever see in this role. At one point in the concert, Mark Hall (the lead singer of Casting Crowns) asked if anyone has had a "You've got to be kidding!" moment with God lately? I laughed out loud, I couldn't believe it! He talked about the things that God called him to do, and how he could name many other people who would be great choices to do those things, but certainly not him. I had just had that same conversation with my husband a day or two before, telling him that 'this is completely ridiculous to even think about, let alone tell anyone else about'.

On the way home from the concert, my husband and I were talking about that moment in the concert. We wondered why it is so easy for us to know that God is perfect, He knows all, He doesn't make mistakes, and His plans are always right - except for when He is talking to us! Then it becomes, "I think You have the wrong person, God", "You can't be talking to me!" Personally, I've seen that it is easy to believe these things as long as we are talking about or to someone else. In fact, I just recently had a very similar conversation with a friend who is facing a decision in her life and trying to discern what God's will is, and she has some fears about whether she can actually even do it or not. How easy was it for me to tell her: "Remember, God gets even more glory when we accomplish things that others know that we are not particularly skilled in.", "He will give you what you need one step at a time as you need it.", "True faith is shown when we are obedient to Him even when we don't want to be or when we don't feel capable to do as He says.", "You are only seeing the next step and not the end result - this may be only for a season, and not even leading where you think, but He still has a purpose for you to do it." Wow - is that not the epitome of 'do as I say, not as I do'?!

What is God calling you to today? But remember, don't ask the question if you don't want to know the answer, because if you are listening, He will tell you! I am choosing to listen and obey, and I am trusting Him and His ability to accomplish His plans, not my own ability. I'm reminded again of my need to surrender everything to Him everyday, one day at a time. I will give Him my very best today, and trust Him to take care of the rest! I hope and pray that you will, too - His plans are so much better than any we could possibly have for ourselves!

Be An Encourager!

2009-03-12T22:36:00.007-04:00

I was thinking today about a funny thing that my almost 5 year old said a couple of weeks ago, and it got me wondering about how much I encourage (or discourage!) those around me. I had been attempting to straighten some things up around the house, and was having my son, Kevin, put away some of his toys in his room. He was doing a great job, and without any arguing, when he all of a sudden called to me from upstairs. When I asked him what he wanted, he said, "Mom, will you say 'Go, Kevin, Go! Go, Kevin, Go!'?!" So, of course, I cheered him on! Afterall, I am his biggest fan! It kind of became a joke with my husband and me and our two other kids, and also with some friends and coworkers that we shared the story with. I don't know how many people we have cheered on saying, "Go, _____, Go! Go, _____, Go!"!

So I got to thinking today about how important encouraging each other is in our lives. Granted, we may not go around asking others to 'cheer us on', but don't we all appreciate it and feel better when someone encourages us in some way or recognizes something that we've done? More importantly, how great do we feel when we have the privilege of being an encouragement to someone else? What about our relationship with Christ, and our purpose in Him? Isn't part of our commitment to Him making others glad in God? After all, most of the world is negative and beaten down; if we are to be in the world but not of the world, shouldn't we show a different testimony to the Lord by being positive and uplifting? I've learned that most people are lonely, afraid, or suffering through some type of painful situation that's invisible to the rest of the world. You never know (and you may never know) what that one compliment, thank you, encouraging word, or act of kindness could mean to someone whom God puts in your path!

I'm preparing to go on my first missions trip to Reynosa, Mexico this summer. One of the things I ran across as I have started to prepare for this trip is not to be discouraged if you don't see lives "changed" while you are serving others on a missions trip. Our job is to plant seeds of faith and show the love of Christ to others - God will take care of the rest! Sometimes we may be one of the people who crosses their path and plants a seed, sometimes we may water the seeds that others have planted, and other times we may be one who is reaping the harvest - but remember, the harvest can't come if the seeds aren't planted.

So I am asking God to show me what He wants me to do or say to be a blessing to others. I'm praying for my eyes to be opened to opportunities to recognize and encourage others, and that I make the effort to act on what God shows me. I'm going to make a conscious effort to give compliments at every opportunity I get; if I am grateful to someone or notice something positive about them, I'm not keeping that to myself, I'm going to tell them. I love sending cards and notes to people and I do that quite a bit now, but I am committing to sending those to a lot more people for a lot more reasons (Who doesn't love getting a hand-written note of encouragement or thanks?!). And who knows... if someone's life is touched by someone noticing them and going the extra mile to encourage them, their heart may be opened just a little more to allow in the One who can really change their life!

So... this one's for you: "Go, friend, Go! Go, friend, Go!" Who needs your encouragement today?

Not My Will

2009-03-11T00:00:00.004-04:00

Have I mentioned that God has been leading me to make some changes in my life lately?! I'll be the first to tell you that I didn't really want to hear most of the things that God has been telling me to do in my life, and I haven't been very cooperative. You can probably guess that God's persistence won out over my stubbornness! A quote that comes to my mind quite often these days is "God won't ask you to do more than you can handle, but He may push you to your limits!". I think it's safe to say that God has been pushing me to my limits a lot over the last several months - but what a privilege it is to be pushed by God!

One of the many things I'm learning is that if I want to live a life walking securely with the Lord, I have to be willing to say, "Not my will, but Your will be done, Lord!" At first thought, that doesn't seem too difficult, does it? But let's face it... we are human, and we form attachments to our plans and desires, and as much as we may want to give those over to God, it can still be very emotional and tough to do. I have definitely found this to be true with some of the changes I've been needing to make in my life, and quite frankly it was very tough for me and I felt a lot of loss at the beginning. But when I decided to surrender my dreams and plans to Him, He took away my desire for those things, and replaced my desire for things the things that He has planned for me. As long as I continued pursuing dreams that were not from God, He would not bless those, and I would be forever frustrated. Even if the dreams and desires in my heart are from Him, I still need to surrender them to Him - God wants me to strive to be close to Him, not striving to reach my own selfish dreams. He wants me to quit trying to make those dreams happen in my own strength - He wants (and requires) me to trust Him to make them happen through me. What a world of difference! What a relief it is, and how exciting it is, to know that God is in control, and my only job is to trust Him completely!

So I ask myself (and encourage you to ask yourself), "What am I holding on to that I need to surrender to God?", "Am I settling for 'good' when God has something 'great' planned for me?" I have no idea where God is leading me! But I do know that I want to be obedient to Him, and seek daily to stay in the center of His will. And by the way, my goal is not to discover what God's will is for my life; my goal is to seek to discover what God's will is, and listen for where He wants me to fit in to that plan.

I'm doing my best to let go of my goals and dreams and start holding on to Him - I have no doubts that by me letting go of the things I long for, God will bring it back to me in ways so much more wonderful that I can even imagine!

I pray that you, too, are seeking only to hold on to God, to give up your will and be obedient to His will, and that you open yourself up to changes (probably some tough changes!) and allow Him to bless you beyond your wildest dreams!

Relationships

2009-03-09T22:39:00.004-04:00

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine added a post to her blog (http://www.hereandhome.blogspot.com/) about a mother's love - about having a grateful heart not only for her children but for all of the gifts that God has given them, and about believing God and that He chose her specifically to care for and guide those children. That got me thinking about my own kids, the many gifts that God as given them, and exactly what God entrusted to me when He chose me to have the privilege of being their mother. I've been thinking about all of the hopes and dreams I have had for them over the years, the worries and fears, the tough times we have gone through together, the many smiles and happy times together, the "discussions with purpose" we've had as they have grown more independent, the hugs and kisses, and so much more... basically, all of the times, good and bad, that came together to create so many memories for us all. I also thought about so many things that seemed to be so consuming or worrisome at the time, that in the bigger picture of things were really not that important. After all, no matter what was going on, celebrations or challenges, God used all of them for good (sometimes it took us awhile to see that, but He was/is always faithful).

So, what about today? With all of the lessons "learned" over the years, you'd think that the things of this world (both material and emotional) would not be a concern. Wrong! In faith, I know that God loves them even more than I do, He wants the very best for them (notice I didn't say He wants them to have an "easy" life!), He has a great purpose for each of them,and He is truly the One who is in control and guiding their steps. I hope and pray that more times than not I am the parent He wants me to be, and that I turn to Him for guidance in leading them. But the overriding question that came to my mind today is what do I really want for my children? When all of the "stuff" in life is cleared away, the main thing that I want for my kids is that they will forever seek to develop their own personal relationships with God, and that everything they do in their life will give glory to God. That's it. So my challenge is in keeping that focus at the center of my choices, decisions, relationships, and everything else related to my children. Somehow I think I'm going to have to ask God for help with that on a regular basis, don't you?!

Another type of relationship has been on my mind today as well. That is the friendship relationships that I am so grateful for in my life. Friends have always been important to me, but those relationships have been especially important to me over the last couple years, and particularly over the last couple of months. I've also discovered that the there is something "different" in the relationship building process when you're part of a group that has Christ at its' center. That may not make sense, but my experience in various small groups is that there just seems to be a connection on a deeper level more quickly than with a "regular" group, even more than in some Bible studies and "church-type" groups. Don't get me wrong... I have some wonderful friends that began in other groups. But I have been blessed to be part of a group recently that has become more important to me than I even realized until lately. Of course, another "great" relationship builder is in going through tough times together. That seems to be the time that we open our eyes and see the "real" friends in our lives; those whom maybe we've been friends with for awhile, but that friendship is taken to a much deeper level as we are able to share the challenges we are facing with each other. Unfortunately, most of us learn to lean on others more when we are struggling than we do in good times (Sounds familiar, doesn't it?! Isn't that when we tend to be the closest to God as well? You don't think that maybe God puts friends in our lives for a reason, do you?!).

The most consistent lessons that God has been teaching me the last couple of years have had to do with surrender and obedience (you probably guessed that in just these last few postings!). I believe that fellowship with others is also an act of obedience - it opens our hearts, enables us to encourage and support each other, teaches us to be vulnerable at times and how to depend on another, provides comfort in the down times and shared joy in the good times, etc., etc., etc.). I am especially grateful for the truest friends who accept me as I am but won't allow me to stay as I am - those who challenge me to be all that God created me for, and who are willing to speak the truth to me in love when I need it, and those who choose to walk side by side with me in this journey that we are taking with the Lord. Who could ask for more?!

The Power Of The Gospel To Bring Change

2009-03-08T23:43:00.006-04:00

Our church missions weekend concluded this evening with a concert of prayer. To be honest, I really didn't know going in what exactly a concert of prayer was so I didn't know what to expect, but I knew that I wanted to be a part of it, and I didn't want to miss any of what our guest missionaries had to say. It was a very powerful evening of prayer and worship! Our pastors set up the evening to include everyone in prayer, dividing us into smaller prayer groups at various times throughout the evening to focus on different prayer requests. Ron Julian Jr. (one of our visiting missionaries) also shared with us his leadership team's vision for the future of their ministry, and gave us more specific prayer requests to focus on in our small groups this evening and in the coming weeks and months. While our goal is always to be fully engaged in the worship service and in continual prayer and praise, this format brought a whole new level of connection, not just with God, but with each other as well (at least for me).

A couple of other things that stood out to me from all of today's events are:

- Understanding that we need to go back (as we move forward in blessings, as we are forgiven, etc.) - "Who are the people that God wants us to go back to so that they may come to know Jesus?". For me personally, I know there were a few people that came to my mind immediately that I need to "go back to" and continue to plant seeds until they reach the point of accepting Christ as their personal Savior. We have been given a wonderful gift, and it is our responsibility to share that gift with others, no matter how uncomfortable we may be or how much ridicule we may receive.

- The Power of the Gospel to bring change! While we have a lot of tools and gifts to offer others and a lot of physical needs that we can help fulfill for others and enable more doors to be opened, the Gospel is our most powerful tool. The reason we go is to share the Gospel of Christ so people can be transformed by the Holy Spirit. Once someone accepts Christ, they are no longer the same person - the speed at which mental change happens depends on the individual - but they will no longer be the same.

- As Christians, we have hope in all hopeless situations because ultimately Jesus is going to win.

- Nothing is wasted in the Kingdom of God! No matter what we have done in our past or what we have been through, God will use it. God can use you; God wants to use you; God will use you!

Of course, God never misses an opportunity to speak to us individually (if we are listening!)! Beginning at Friday evening's service and continuing all throughout the weekend, God was communicating to me through these speakers. In my post yesterday, I shared my commitment to open my heart, surrender my will, be outward focused, and accept God's will for me without fear or hesitation. I can't say that I've fully upheld my commitment (I still have these mental battles between my doubts and fears and showing my trust in God by being obedient to Him when He calls me to move!), but I do believe that the Lord has solidified and clarified some of what I've been hearing Him tell me these last several months. So the journey continues... as I'm striving to stay in the center of God's will, I'm realizing that the center of God's will is not a destination, but the process itself. Discovering God's will comes from continuing to seek an intimate relationship with Him every single day. Christ meets us where we are and loves us as we are, but He refuses to leave us there - He is in the business of life transformation, and His work is never done!

Lastly, in regard to this blog... I don't know who I will share it with or who will choose to follow it, but in just the last few days since starting this I've discovered that it is very beneficial to me personally to write down my thoughts and lessons learned here. I keep a notebook of Scripture, songs, readings, etc., that touch me; but I've never been one to actually keep a journal with thoughts, feelings, happenings, etc. When I have tried that in the past, it has usually been during a rough time for me, and once I was through it, I didn't want to have that written reminder so I would throw it away (I know... I kind of missed the point of the journal!). But somehow this is different; it seems more to me as "journaling with a purpose" (I just didn't realize at the onset how much the purpose would be for me!). So if somehow this reaches someone and has an impact on them or they gain even one thing from it, I will consider it a blessing and praise God for finding a way to use it. But if it remains merely a tool for my own use, I will praise God for that as well (I seem to "listen" more and the words kind of hit me upside the head more when I put them out there like this! - There have already been several things that I've known in my heart were right and steps that I need to take and/or adjustments I need to make, but actually seeing them in front of me makes them really stand out and speak to me directly). If anyone understands any of that, it is truly a God thing!

Complacency, Confusion, A Wake Up Call

2009-03-07T22:57:00.004-05:00

Our church has been having a missions conference this weekend, titled 'God's Heart For The World'. There are still two more services tomorrow, and we enjoyed an incredible worship celebration last night. We were blessed to hear from two awesome speakers: Ron Julian, Jr. and Donna Baptiste. This event could not have come at a more timely point for me personally (you'd think God planned it that way, huh?!). God has been doing a lot in my life over the last couple of years, especially the last six months; He has been putting me through a time of transformation (and I'll admit I didn't like it most of the time, and fought Him quite a bit along the way). For some time now, I have been sensing some leadings from Him towards a couple of new paths, that frankly are WAY out of my comfort zone and definitely outside of my realm of abilities. Now, I've learned that God does not look for our abilities, but for our availability; when we move forward in faith in unfamiliar territory, God is sure to receive all of the glory because it is very obvious that the task was only accomplished through Him. And I know that nothing is impossible with God. But... that doesn't make the obedience thing any easier, especially when you have already been making a lot of changes that really don't make sense to a lot of people. Of course, God never promised easy, only that He would be with us every step of the way. Surrender does not come without pain or struggle - But it is worth it! I read something awhile back that said "I'm so afraid that if I call Him, He will tell me that I must go that way." That is so true, at least for me. I want so desperately to stay in the center of God's will and hear His voice; but at the same time, I am afraid that I really will hear His voice and then be faced with showing my faith, trusting God, and being obedient to His leadings (ouch!). But, thankfully, God is not limited by our fears, and facing an impossibility gives us the opportunity to show what God can do through us!

So... back to the missions' speakers! A couple of the points that stuck with me from the evening: First, realizing that it is all of our jobs to make an investment in other people's lives. The question was asked, "Whose life are you investing in?" Obviously, this is not referring to monetary investing (although that sometimes comes into play as well); he was referring to us pouring ourselves into the lives of others, to connecting with them and building relationships so we can ultimately show them the love of Christ. This may start with helping to meet some of their very basic physical needs, but it doesn't end there; we must continue strive to fulfill their emotional and spiritual needs as well. If we don't speak God's words into their lives, who will?

Another key point I received from last night was that my life is not my own - God knows what is best - and we cannot become complacent with where we are and what we are doing. God is not required to tell us the plan He has for us, and He is entitled to change the direction we are headed at any given moment. I'm learning (the hard way I might add!) that more often than not God will give us the next step we are to take and will only show us the following step after we take that first one - the moment we hear His voice is the moment we are to obey (again, easier said than done!). We need to have a heart for the lost, and not be complacent about reaching them; and we cannot be confused about who the lost actually are - the mission field has come to our own neighborhoods and work places. Of course, there will always be a need for overseas missionaries, but the need is great and God is working right where we are. To develop and keep our passion for the lost, we need to keep our passion for the love of the Lord. I know I very seldom feel equipped to do many of the things God asks me to do (and I don't believe I'm alone in feeling that way). But guess what? God wants to use us, not because there is no one else, but because He chose us for a specific purpose. How cool is that?! So the questions asked last night: "Am I right now actively sharing the gospel of Christ?" "Who have I led to Christ recently - in the past year, two years, three years, etc.?"

So... complacency (lack of prayer and studying God's word, development of spiritual disciplines, being more dependant on ourselves than on God, not having open eyes and a heart for the lost, etc.), confusion (Who really are the lost, and where are they?), a wake up call (God chose you and me specifically to fulfill His purposes - are we taking action when He calls us?).

I don't know about you, but I have not been living up to my commitment to the Lord, and I have too often allowed my own fears and limitations to limit what God is wanting to do through me. I mentioned this weekend's speakers coming at a timely point for me, and that I have been sensing some leadings from Him towards a couple of new paths (I hesitate to use the words "being called" because while it is very exciting it is also somewhat scary to me, and I don't really like thinking about it!). I have shared what I have been feeling with only two people (and I'm not sure how I happened to do that!). Unfortunately, as much as I "say" I want to stay in the center of God's will, I still allow my earthly tendencies to allow me to hesitate in being obedient. God has been very gracious and has not given up on me when I have been hesitant to obey, and I have eventually made many of the changes that I knew He was calling me to make (Donna Baptiste pointed out last night how ridiculous it is that we wrestle with God about where He is taking us - He always wins - Thank God!). It's that word "eventually" that bothers me - true faith is belief in action, and a lack of faith ultimately reveals a lack of trust in God. It makes me cringe to even think that I do not trust God 100% in everything I do; but when I hesitate and don't take action when He calls, that is what I am showing to others. Is that an attitude that leads me to invest in the lives of other people, and to actively share the gospel of Christ to the lost? I don't' think so.

I'm praying tonight, for me and for each person who is serious about following Christ and reaching the lost for Him, that whatever God calls me to do He will enable me to do it. I ask that He will instill in me a simple, perfect trust in Him, where I no longer want God's blessings, but I only want Him. I am asking Him to remind me to surrender everything to Him every day, to show me where He is working around me, and give me courage to act when He tells me to act. I pray that He will help me to trust Him and obey Him as much as I long to love Him.

So, I don't know what tomorrow's messages from these amazing speakers will bring; but I do know that I am committing to open my heart, surrender my will, be outward focused, and accept God's will for me without fear or hesitation.

Have a blessed Sunday!

New Beginnings!

2009-03-05T09:31:00.004-05:00

I just finished registering my son for kindergarten; between that and a conversation with my husband after that, I decided today would be as good as any to begin this blog (although I haven't told anyone about it, and I'm not sure when I will if at all, this may be old news by the time anyone sees it!).

When I told my husband, Jeff, that his baby boy was officially registered for kindergarten, he asked me if I was over the shock of having a baby yet. See, when we had Kevin, our daughter Kelly was 14 and our son Walter was 12, so needless to say Kevin was a BIG surprise! I call him our "bonus" baby (I never liked it when people call their kids a "mistake" or an "oops" - just because we didn't know he was coming doesn't mean that he wasn't in God's plan all along.)! My answer to my husband was that yes I am over the shock of having a baby and am focused on the blessing that he is. I also told him that I'm learning more every day that God is full of surprises and has more in store than we know!

I'll share more as I continue with this post because that is really the reason that I decided to start this post. I have great friends who have blogs out there that I love, but I just couldn't imagine having anything to post that anyone would want to invest their time in reading. But God has been doing so many amazing things in my life and in the lives of my friends, family, and others around me that i decided this could be a great place to share what He is doing and all that He can do if we just allow Him to lead us.

I chose the title "Surrendered & In The Potter's Hands" because those are the overwhelming lessons I've been learning, especially over the last couple of years. While I have been a believer my entire life, I did not understand having a personal relationship with God until April 2002 when I re-committed my life to Christ and began searching for how to develop that relationship. While I told others about listening to what God told them to do and knew small things that I felt God wanted me to do, I never understood how someone could "really" hear where God was leading them until the last couple of years, and especially the last six months. So that is where the title of this blog comes in... It has been very difficult for me to surrender everything to Him completely and to obey what He tells me. However, I've learned that my life is in far better hands when I surrender it to God and His leading (duh!). Obviously, I've had to allow Him to change me and stretch me way outside of my comfort zone, and learn to trust Him completely (hence 'In The Potter's Hands').

I'm no where close to where I need to be (and I hope I never begin to think I am!), but one of my prayers everyday is that God will show me where He is working around me and give me the courage to act when He calls me to do something. I still struggle sometimes with being obedient immediately, but I have been getting there eventually and am getting better at realizing when I am being disobedient and adjusting more quickly. I have also tried to let go of trying to know where God is leading me or what the big picture is and just focus on that next step. It is only when I trust Him and take that next step without knowing any of the following steps that He begins to show me another step. Besides being Biblical, I really don't think we could handle it if God told us His whole specific plan that He has for our lives. Plus, I think we would focus too much on the plan at that point than on God. So, my daily goal and focus is simply to be "Surrendered & In The Potter's Hands"! Admittedly not always easy, but always right.

New beginnings... Kindergarten and beyond! Sometimes makes me anxious, nervous, confused, chaotic, and even a little psycho at times - but always exciting and reassuring with a peace that comes only from a personal, life-changing relationship with Jesus Christ!